Keep record of your day

Do you journal?

I'll be the first to admit that sometimes journaling feels like a chore, a bore, and at times it even feels torturesome. (Yes I'm aware that's not really a word)

However, every time I do journal for a continued period of time, I see the benefit of doing so.

I'm not going to list the benefits, because I'm sure you already know them, and if you don't, they're simple a google or Pinterest search away.

There are probably tons of blogs about it, and that's not really the point of why I'm writing this.

So, why am I bringing this up you might ask...

Well here it is: I have been attending something called CR or Celebrate Recovery for almost the past 2 years. If you're like me, and you've never heard about this program before you're probably assuming that it's not something you need or could benefit from... but if you're breathing- it is!!!

You can click on the link above to learn more about it and you can even click HERE if you decide you'd like to check it out in person so you can call me a liar! 

(Please do go and check it out sometime)

I will likely share more about it in the future, as it is one the reasons I've decided to start my blog back up again after a couple years... 

So a few updates for those that know me, or care to learn more about me. Since the last time I blogged, we moved, bought our first home, got a second dog, I went back to work after being a stay ay home mama for 6 1/2 years. Then I got pregnant and didn't go back to work after maternity leave. I started and quit 3 more MLM/NWM adventures. I took on a leadership role in this special ministry. I have made some wonderful friends and of course now that I love where I am, the army is moving us again. 

Oh yeah, did I mention after lots of prayer and research I decided to homeschool my 7th, 3rd and 1st graders this year! Shortly after, my husband and I decided that we could make some more big changes to better serve our family... a decision we made was to downsize from our 2,250 sq ft home and buying a 230sq ft travel trailer for tiny and intentional living. (yes you read that right, almost a 90% downsizing)

No more packing and unpacking every 2-3yrs, just hitch up our home and go to the next place. We're almost 10yrs into this crazy military life and my husband plans on doing the full 20 so we have at least 4-5moves ahead of us.

He's training right now, he's been gone for a month and won't be home for another month. My life  as it is in this moment with 4 kids and 2 large dogs is a lot to manage on my own. 

I don't know what I'd do without my church family... We will have to be at our new duty station just a couple weeks after he gets home so my days here are tik-tok counting down. 

I've got to get our home ready to sell, pack and downsize and let go of all the things we've accumulated over the past few years and only hold on to the few essentials.

If you know me, I'm a Jane of all trades. I have a craft room full to the brims with supplies, tools, most new and some of my hidden purchases from when I was dealing with the depths of my depression binging on retail therapy... 

(my declining mental health is a major reason why I had stopped blogging in the first place)

So I'm having to let it ALL go, breaking my emotional attachment to things, trying to homeschool 3 kids while a baby screams and the dogs fight and bark at the wind and keep my sanity. To say I feel overwhelmed is an understatement, but it's such a blessing to have this forever family that prays for us and shows up for us when we need it

Anyway, back to the journaling... tonight at CR we had a lesson on taking a daily inventory of our actions. To paraphrase the speaker said "If you don't keep record of how, when, where you spend your money, you're likely to wonder where it goes, the same is to be said of your time/energy/peace. If you don't keep record of what happened in your day, it's harder to realize why you think/feel/react the way you do." 

And that really resonated with me.

On lesson nights we have a focus question for small groups, tonights question was about how a daily inventory can keep you from falling off the recovery wagon.

I shared that when I did keep my journal I was able to see the patterns and discover the triggers that kept popping up. 

If there are things in your life that confuse you, write them down. Yes it makes it real, acknowledging that you don't have it all together on paper can seem like too much, but awareness is where the road to freedom begins.

If you're like me, you might be asking/telling yourself "I wouldn't even know where to start, what do I even write?" 

"NO, none, everything, I prayed for someone, eventually, my kids, fear, not at all, direction."
These are my honest to goodness answers to these questions. I will likely not expand in a journal form tonight as its already past my bed time and I've got a sleeping baby latched on to my breast asleep in my arms as I type. (Yes I'm crunchy, I do baby led weaning and we co-sleep)
So with all that said, I hope I've inspired you to ask yourself some questions, to start or get back into journaling and taking care of yourself.
Journaling is a form of self care & self love. Don't let fear hold you back!!

I'll leave you with a quote I learned at Fearless Moms growth group this past spring-
"Guilt and shame (and fear) are like mold, they grow in the dark" it's time to get those thoughts and feelings out of your body, put them on paper (burn it after if you need to, or post anonymously online). But do keep a running gratitude list!!! Balance is imperative! There is bad but also good in every day.

My goal is to come back & write at least once a week. Looking forward to sharing this crazy, fun, emotional ride with you- if you know me- hold me accountable!!!!

In my feelings...

The other day on my drive to work I heard a story on the radio that broke my heart. It was about a young girl who had a terminal disease and had only days left of life. Her wish was to marry her best friend one day and he agreed. Mind you they were both under 10, never the less the parents set up a ceremony and they got "married". The young girl died just a couple days later...

It pained my heart but as much as I wanted to sit there and shed a tear, I was running late so I rushed out from my car and buried it. Almost toward the end of my 4 hour shift a little boy approached me and asked if I worked there. He told me his mom was having a hard time finding her size so I followed him back to his mother who had her back towards me.

"Mommy I found someone to help you!" he said excitedly as she turned around. Half of her face, chest and her left arm were covered in burn marks... "Malachi don't bother the lady, I'm ok" she said embarrassed avoiding eye contact. I asked her what size she needed and offered my help but she declined- so I wrote her size down for Malachi and showed him how to look for it on the drawers. He is 6yrs old and had a younger brother with him no older than 3. As they were leaving he approached me again and said  "I'm sad we couldn't find her size but thank you for your help." The look of disappointment in his eyes, like he let his mom down- it burned right through me.

I couldn't help but wonder what happened to her. Did she run into a burning building to save her sons? Did an abusive husband burn her in an act of violence for trying to keep her boys safe? I'll never know, but what I do know is that Malachi looked at his mother like she was the most beautiful woman in the world and he loves her deeply.

Then I got home and watched some Grey's Anatomy and cried my eyes out... There is so much that I feel through out my day that I can't react to, that finally being able to feel and express it openly from under my covers is a much needed cathartic release. And then after all of that, I get to lay down in my comfy bed, in my house, next to my loving husband, with our healthy loving children sleeping upstairs and our loyal dogs laying close by protective of us all. Overwhelmed with gratitude, I back to waterworks until I eventually fall asleep...

I used to hate being so darn sensitive and emotional, but I feel so blessed to have the ability to emphasize, sympathize and feel so deeply. Just as the smallest things can bring so much pain, they can also bring so much joy! It's almost funny when my 5yr old sees me tearing up and asks me "What's wrong? Why are you crying?" and I have to explain happy tears.

It's ok to feel folks! You're entitled to having emotions- just don't stay stuck in a bad one... Night will fall, but the sun will always rise again. 🌞

5 key things that make my marriage work

This past weekend was quite a revelation to me about how blessed I am.
We had a gathering for the Holmes VS Tate fight with food and a painting party on the side to keep the gals busy while we waited for the main event.  It was a joyful evening, a good time with great company. Unfortunately the before and after of the evening was not as pleasant for our guest.

A close friend of mine almost missed the party because she had been in an argument with her husband. I'm a mutual friend to both so her husband contacted me and told me she thinks he may be having an affair. He was firm that no such thing was going on and asked me to talk to her and assure her that she didn't have to worry. I tried calling and texting several times with no response, but to my delight, she made it to our painting party with a smile.

At the end of the night my best friend told me she was feeling animosity coming from her husband. She has an ongoing struggle between loving her husband and wanting to be loved in return. While the greatest proof of love is trust, her husband does not trust her. She made mistakes in her youth that he still holds her accountable for. He also has made mistakes, but those mistakes are in the past and have been forgiven. Still he refuses to move forward even though he has no real reason to doubt her.

And last but not least, the couple my husband invited over got into a domestic altercation on their way home. The young wife called out for our help in distress. She loves him but he's abusing her and she didn't know what else to do. She wants him to change but doesn't want to get him in trouble, so she reached out to us instead of going to the police. He is obviously still bitter about his previous marriage and is taking his unresolved issues out on his new wife. My husband and I stayed up to the wee hours of the morning, trying to help them talk through their issues. They're so young and have an infant so we hold on to the hope that they can work through this.

All of this led me to reflect on everything my husband and I have gone through. If I was to tell you detail by detail all that has transpired between us; you would not believe or understand how our marriage has survived or that we have a thriving relationship after all of it. The road has not been easy for us, from bumps to block-wide pot holes, we have kept on trucking through. What makes our relationship so different? Let me tell you about some of the understanding principles that we keep.

1) Forgive without condition:  The bible says that we ALL fall short of his glory (Romans 3: 10-18, 23) but even though we fall short, God loves us! (Romans 5:1-8) Was it not his commandment for us to love one another like loved us? (John 13:34, 15:12) He died for us even though we are sinners and make mistakes- so why would we not love our spouses through their short comings? (Ephesians 4:32, Colossians 3:13) When my husband makes a mistake, no matter how significant, I don't get upset. I expect that he will fall, and as his helpmate I see it my duty to help him back up. And if ever I find negative feelings in my heart, I turn them over to Jesus. Not religious? Holding on to a grudge or hate is like drinking poison yourself and waiting for the other person to die. It's pointless! In the words of Frozen's Ana "Let it go, let it go!" (1 Peter 4:8)

2) Do your part: (Ephesians 5: 21-33) A lot of people take this out of context, submitting is not accepting failure, it is accepting protection. In todays world women are becoming quite liberal, discarding most if not all of traditional values. Women are trying to do or be the man and handicapping the men and then they wonder where all the good men have gone... They have been pushed out and annihilated! Be a woman and let your man be the man... Go to school, get a job, a career, pursue your dreams WITH your husband, not instead of him or without him. Allow him to make those decision with you, trust him, respect his opinion, don't rub his failures in his face, help him pursue his dreams too!  In the same way, men are accepting failure and stopped caring. They walk their journey leaving a trail of broken hearts... It is your job to love your woman, build her up, encourage her, lift her up when she falls, rebuild her, pray for her, cherish her, and forgive her. Everywhere I turn I see couples tearing each other down, STOP IT! The saying goes "It's you and me against the world" NOT AGAINST EACH OTHER!
Respect him, Love her, and fight together for your marriage, family and future. Not religious? Consider your family a company, each member has a role- choose/assign yours and accept responsibilities for your duties.

3) Stay humble: Accept and understand that we are not perfect and expect that mistakes and accidents will happen. (John 8:7) Life, love, marriage, parenting: these things don't come with instruction manuals! You learn as you go, or you seek answers in God's word. (Ephesians 4:2, Proverbs 11:2) I am not perfect, I don't know it all, I'm not the best at everything, I'm not always right. I know and accept this of myself and I know and don't expect perfection from my husband. If we do not agree on something, instead of arguing about who is right, we seek knowledge together. We take advice from others, and accept reprimands and criticism. We work together to improve. Not religious? Check out THIS article, it's about entrepreneurship, but it applies to life as well- Ego/Pride leads to failure, humility sets you apart.

4) Choose to be kind: (1 Corinthians 13: 4-7) Bad things happen, hurtful words are said, but just because it's started doesn't mean it must continue. Turn it around and remember 1, 2 & 3. Each day is a new beginning and a new chance to start over. Don't wake up with an attitude while giving your spouse the silent treatment! That solves noting, choose to be kind instead.  (Proverbs 15:1, Luke 6:35, Colossians 4:6) Sarcasm and snarky replies can lead to an acrimonious atmosphere at home. Being hurtful towards each other builds walls between you that prevent intimacy and separate you. I don't always know how to be sweet during conversations or situations that go sour, but in that case I would rather stay quiet. "If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all" "If you cannot be nice, at least be quiet"   Not religious? You can catch more bees with honey than with vinegar, apply the golden rule. Treat others how you want to be treated or kill them with kindness, either way, you remain a decent, civil, diplomatic, cool-headed king/queen.

5) Don't give up: They say the hardest year of marriage is the one you are in. It's not easy, but it's worth it. Hard times will come, but don't give up. (Romans 5:3-5)You can't fail unless you quit. Marriage is a commitment and a commitment is staying loyal to what you said you were going to do, long after the mood you were in when you said, has left you. (2 Peter 1:5-7) You have to be determined to make it work. Determination is doing what needs to be done, even when you don't feel like doing it. Don't be a part of the problem, be part of the solution. Marriages don't fail because they "can't" XYZ, they fail because the people in them refuse to change their insane destructive patterns of behavior! Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results. Not religious? Quitters never win, and winners never quit. You can't win in life, love, and marriage if you quit. Keep working at it.


With all that said: I am not advising you remain in an abusive relationship longer than you have to, but from personal experience I can attest that your relationship can get past it if you both love each other. Anger management and recovery is possible. Things will not be the same, but they have the potential to be better. If you have a husband with a temper and your husband hits you for the first time (a smack/strike- just 1)- and you decide to stay, speak up for yourself and let him know that it's not ok. "what you allow, you accept"(Matthew 18:15-17) If it happens a second time, tell a friend and family member- set up an intervention, but if he hits you a third time please recognize the pattern of behavior and his unwillingness to change.: Call 1−800−799−SAFE(7233), the National Domestic Abuse Hotline. Concerned professionals will advise you about how to get out safely. It is ok to leave your abusive spouse (1 Corinthians 7:15) If you are in an abusive relationship and your husband is beating you call 1-800-799-7233 immediately.

We found the one

So this past week my husband and I went on a road trip to look at houses.
We searched in Virginia and Maryland since he will be working near DC we have more options.
We had a list of non-negotiable needs and a wish list of wants which included:

Needs: 
3+ bedrooms (it has 4)
1.5 bathrooms (it has 3 full bathrooms)
Not a corner lot (2nd house from corner)
Not on a main road (2 blocks in 45sec drive to main road)
Gated back yard for dog (1 acre fully fenced in plus built in kennel)
Garage (drive through garage for 2)
Wants:
Basement (its finished and lovely)
Deck (needs refinishing but has a big one)
Porch (does not have one in front but has a screen covered one in rear leading to deck)
Spacious kitchen & cabinets (nice color, stainless steel appliances and roomy enough)
A fireplace (no but has a wood burning stove)
Walk in pantry (bust: tiny closet)
Tub in the master bathroom (bust: crowded room with a stand up shower)

BONUS:
It has a pool & diving board.

All in all I think we made out great. We're super excited about this new stage in our lives.
We went over our initial budget but we were pre-approved for our loan.
Now we just wait and pray that it passes inspection, that it appraises fairly with the agreed upon prize and that the loan gets approved!
We're pushing for a closing date of March 31st and if all goes well, we'll be packing up and driving out April 1st.
Hubby is due to begin work on April 10th so it gives us a little over a week to get settled in.

The house is in great condition, of course I want to add splashes of color to the rooms and see if I can DIY some magic in to make it personal. We're so used to not being able to many any adjustments with rentals, I can barely sit still as I think of all the possibilities.

All you prayer warriors out there, please lift up our process for approval.
Now to Pinterest ways of meeting the neighbors! Any tips?

Cloth Diapering: It isn't for everyone

As we get ready to move here, I've started digging through my "junk closet" and I've found many precious gems that I had left to be forgotten. I stumbled across my Cloth Diaper stash from Just Simply Baby and I started going down through memory lane.

As a teen mom, I didn't know what to expect with my first child. One thing I did do was count how many diapers per day/week/month my baby used and I saved all of my receipts. Total for 2.5yrs of full diapering and 3/4 of a year of pull ups my total investment on disposable diapers was $3,847.92 and it all ended  up in the garbage.

When I found out I was expecting baby #2 I could not figure out how I would find enough money to diaper! and that's when I ran across an add for cloth diapers. I used to think of CD's as something ugly and difficult and potentially dangerous (large pins and all) but when I  clicked through the website I was delighted to see how wrong I was. These diapers were cute, simple to use, eco friendly and would save me a ton! I ordered my first diaper kit for $100 which got me 10 diapers, a changing pad and a wet bag.

I found myself washing these diapers EVERY DAY and it was daunting because I couldn't be too far from home because I'd have to wash and dry them or be out! So then I spent another $250 and got an additional 25 diapers. Now we were talking! With a 35 diaper stash I only had to wash every 3rd day. Silly me though, baby #2 was a girl so I ordered everything pink and cute not thinking ahead... 5months later we were expecting baby #3 and low and behold it was a boy!

No one would be looking at what color his diapers were and baby #2 was a little older now so she didn't use as many diapers as she did in the beginning but now we were back to washing nearly every day. So I did what any reasonable person would do! I invested another $350 for 35 diapers and now we had 70 diapers! as they both grew a little more I found myself only having to wash diapers once weekly but I'd do it twice because it can get a bit stinky!

Soon baby #2 was out of diapers and baby #3 was rocking the cloth. I had a rotation I had worked out where I'd use a number of diapers for a week then change them entirely out for another set, so on and so forth. I even had a stash that was brand new and didn't get used because the other diapers were clean and ready to be used again.

Then when my husband deployed I kinda feel off the wagon. I started only using cloth at home but started purchasing disposables for when we were out. I eventually just quit on cloth. I probably spent about another $400 in disposable diapers until my son potty trained. So in total I spent a whooping $1100 for diapering 2 babies in comparison to what I originally spent on my first.

I must admit that cloth diapering is not for the faint of heart. It can be gross, it can smell really bad, you have to lug around bulky stuff. Once when we visited my mom in California from Virginia I had to use a whole luggage bag specifically just for diapers. Then you totally have to rely on having a washing machine and you need special treatment of your washing rituals because CD's must not come into contact with fabric softener or it's residue.

But if you are dedicated to being eco friendly, or have a child with sensitive skin, or are simply just broke and in need of desperate drastic measures- then this could be for you!

 I researched several companies while looking for a brand I could trust and the reason why I settled with JBS was because they had a wide variety of options with inserts, prints & styles. I found them to be the most cost effective PLUS they were the ONLY company who offered a 30 day return policy! Can you imagine dishing out $350 on cloth diapers only to find out you hate it and be stuck with your purchase or sell at a loss! How disappointing. Everyone else had the disclaimer that due to the nature of the items returns were not accepted. Hog Wash! And that's why we went with JBS. Plus the customer service is amazing, the owner Katie is such a dear. A little hand written note in every package a long with instructional pamphlets and packaged with love.

Wicked cool part? They have an affiliate program! You can earn 10% in store credit or 5% cash of any referral sales! What better way to fulfill your fluff addiction and make the world a better place?

Do you cloth diaper? Have you ever thought about it? Would you be interested in trying them out?



*Disclaimer: I'm part of their affiliate program. Purchases through the links may help contribute to the expenses of running this blog. Thanks.

Clutter Free 2016

My husband and I recently started the process of buying our first home.
We will be moving from our current station in Fort Campbell, KY to Fort Myer, VA and with every move comes the horrible duty of packing.

 "Well Daisy, being in a military family, you should be used to frequent moves" You might say... and while yes, I know it comes with the territory I also have what you could call a bit of a hoarding issue  sentimental attachment to things and a crafty heart who wants to repurpose everything.

So my husband and I have this on-going battle about what will and won't go into our new home. He's a minimalist,and well I guess you could call me a maximist! lol

Any how I've recently gotten myself wrapped up in this system called Bullet Journaling and it's all about simplicity and order. I've been following a couple people who have inspired me and I've seen  some of the tools they use to track and maintain their activities and goals.

So I searched the web and I found a handy little thing on decluttering as many items as the current year. The one I found was for a different year (sorry I don't remember where I found it) and I made a similar chart to use in 2016 that Is helping me stay accountable and excited to see the progress. So i figured I could share it in case anyone else would find it useful. You can download it HERE

Anyhow the idea is to cross out a square each time you've gotten rid of an item. It seems like a lot, and I have A LOT! I've already gotten rid of 31 items and I have't even made a small dent in how much stuff I've "collected". You can get rid of a pair of shoes and mark it as 1 box or 2 (1 box per shoe) it's up to you.

Throw it away, sell it, donate it- whatever. As hard as it is to let go of my things, my husbands sanity & happiness is worth more. Besides, when I die I can't take of it with me and I fear they'd throw all my precious things out or worse- keep them! lol Anyhow, I hope you find this tool  useful- if you do, would you please let me know?

VIP Memberships | Avoid unwanted reoccurring charges & fees

Does anyone else subscribe to these things?

I'm currently subscribed to 4 VIP programs, and as much as I'm tempted to cancel when I forget to skip I can't! I'm earning points and qualifying for discounts and goodies! 

Hahaha, leave to a shopaholics to spend $43 extra to get free shipping on the $7 item they want and save themselves from  paying the $5 shipping charge right?

So any how, you CAN have your cake and eat it too! Keep your subscriptions AND avoid the "random unexpected" charges.

Remember that subscriptions are how these businesses keep up their monthly sales. 

They do give you 5 whole days to skip your month and they will NOT penalize you for skipping. 

I have 3 tips that help me personally with  avoiding those fees! Check out my video below <3

Be The Match

I met a very sweet lady in September 2012 named Jen. She was a budding photographer I met off bookoo.com Us living on a single income could never afford professional pictures so we were over the moon when she generously offered to do our family/couples/maternity session for next to nothing.  I was so very grateful.
 She became our go to for portraits, she also did birthday pictures for my girls, new born pictures when little man was born and a Boudoir session for valentines.
 I was quite devastated when I found out she had been diagnosed with cancer (leukemia to be exact).

I saw her health steadily decline. She was already quite petite and she slowly was disappearing losing  tons of weight & hair during rounds of chemo that weren't very successful.
She was slowly running out of options and only a bone marrow transplant would add time to her life.   She bravely asked her circle  to consider signing up to be a donor at  BeTheMatch.Org It's an organization that helps connect willing bone marrow donors with those in need of transplants.
I contacted them right away for a donor kit. You simply have to swab the inside of your cheek to send as a tissue sample (very simple & painless).
  I was not a match for her but thank God early in 2014 they found a match for her and she's doing a lot better now.

Recently I received an email from them letting me know I was a match for an 18yr old boy.
While I'm nervous about the procedure, I'm also quite excited to possibly help save a life.
I've just started the process for further testing to see if I am the best possible match for him. 

God works in mysterious ways, while I've been spending all this time throwing a pity party for myself, not knowing what purpose I serve, feeling useless etc. Now I feel blessed to have this opportunity of LITERALLY make a difference in someone's life. (Especially the life of someone so young...) It hits home to me as a mother, what if that was my son? I can only imagine the look of relief on that mother's face knowing that there is hope for her child!

So that is why I thought I'd share some light on this organization today.
If you too would like to make a difference consider joining the donor registry.

Check them out on Facebook 

Goodbye Joneses

Lets start over from scratch for the sake of my sanity.

This past 2 years I've been trying to "keep up with the Joneses" and I'm done.

I put my mental health, friendships, relationships and my life at stake trying to 

keep up a facade. 

If you are doing that right now please stop and save yourself the trouble.

I'm gonna go against the grain here and just be completely honest & sincerely human.

I am flawed, I'm the furthest thing from perfect & I'm finally coming to terms with that.

I do not have all the answers, I do not have any magical solutions and I have succumbed to the pressure of life. 

This year It's all about me and my family. My husband got orders (Military) to PCS to VA this spring and we're currently in the process of buying our first home. I'm really excited and looking forward to the changes. 

Resolutions aside, these are goals for this year:

1. Quit my retail therapy addiction
2. Empty my hoarding closet
3. Begin consistently contributing to our finances
4. Launch a YouTube channel
5. Teach my oldest about entrepreneurship 
6. Get her business started (she wants to make and sell crafts)
7. DIY the majority of our new home's needs
8. Lose the extra weight by my birthday
9. Bullet Journal Daily
10. Read all the books in my bedside bookshelf 
11. Pay off my credit cards
12. Believe in me again

I highly encourage you to make this year YOUR year- literally. 

Make your health & well being your priority!

Happy New Year! Until Next time <3

Reflections on 2015

As this year comes to an end, I am grateful to have survived the whirlwind.
I ended 2014 on a very high note and set really high expectations for this year but I didn't build a sturdy foundation.
So as I took a big leap of excitement, I was met by a mighty downfall into helplessness.
This year resurfaced a lot of forgotten scars, and depression took hold of me.
I basically fell off the face of the Earth and the world went on.
I had been so ashamed and afraid to ask for help that I fell into a very dark and lonely place.

Thankfully my God is bigger than my demons and his grace is sweeter than my bitter pain.
A dear friend of mine shared with me that she too was struggling with some issues and encouraged me to talk to my primary care physician.

I started taking prescription drugs for depression and anxiety and put on about 50 lbs.

It was trial an error for a bit, I spent about 8 months just barely gasping for air.
More recently my prescription switched and I'm starting to feel a little more like myself again.
I'm still struggling with my weight but I'm working towards self acceptance and loving improvement.

On a more positive note, I ran for the PTO at my daughter's school and joined the board as the Fundraising coordinator.
I was head cheer coach for my church's Upward sports program and I started singing with the worship team.

I fell truly madly deeply involve with Doctor Who & I made the bestest friend I could ever ask for.

I chopped all my hair off #StressLevel:Britney lol, and I often have the most deep and intricate world changing conversations inside my head and I always forget to write things out.
I have the most eloquent and passionate debates with myself about hot topics but I bite my tongue in public because I'm afraid I won't be heard and my thoughts won't matter.
 On the bright side my brain is so overstimulated I have the most heart racing dreams!
Anyhow, I seem to have waged a war against Facebook and the news.
I'm depressed enough- aint no body got time for that!
 Well, if you have time for Facebook- you probably don't have time for anything else.

Anyway, one of my new years resolutions was to get closer to my ma... I love the woman more than I care to admit but for the life of me I can't seem to show it.
I remember yelling at her in 5th grade that she was gonna be the reason I would grow up to be medicated and spend all my money on a psychiatrist and here we are.
Everyday I wage a battle between making my mom a part of my life while trying my hardest to be the exact opposite of her and be a better parent to my kids.
I'm so afraid that my munchkins will grow up and feel about me the way I feel about her.
I will have to continue working on that.

So over all I feel like I failed at life this year, but I learned that it's OK to fail!
No body is perfect, everyone is unique and special in their own way. I'm special, I'm delicate, I'm fragile, I'm sensitive and I love myself as I am.
I'm not yet where I want to be but I've come a long way.

Things I did this year to improve myself:

Meditation

Accupuncture

EFT

Self Discovery/Enlightenment

Journaling

Getting out of the house

So there you have it. I usually challenge you to dare to be loved- this year I rose to the challenge.

I love and I am loved! You are too!

May the next year bring you peace and serenity!

Hello again, remember me?

Dear God,

It's me again. I've been stumbling behind you with my eyes closed and I got really off track. The further I got away from you, the more I realized how much I need you and how much you love me.
Even when I wasn't walking with you,  you continued to watch my steps & bless me through others when I needed it most.

Like the time when I was running late to pick up my oldest from school and I was at Hobby Lobby 14miles from her school with 2 cranky toddlers. My youngest grabbed one of those overpriced candies near the check out, (who actually pay for a $7 piece of plastic containing 50 little pieces of sugar? {they looked like nerds}) and when I tried to take it to put it back the thing snapped in half sending all the little pieces flying and scattering all over the floor. I quickly got on my knees frantically trying to pick up these pieces while apologizing for the mess. My face was burning, my hands were trembling and there was a giant knot in my throat. I finally picked up the pieces, got up to pay for that 1 item I needed and realized that they cashier had charged me for the candy she had just instructed me to put in the trash. $7! It may not seem like a big deal but we were down to our last pennies before pay day and I was having a really rough week. I picked up my oldest from school LATE & our fridge was nearly empty so I figured we could get something cheap off the dollar menu plus I had a coupon to BOGO burger. So we orders the BOGO burgers, 10 nuggets, 1 large drink & a large fry totaling $11.56 (I had $12 in my wallet). My kiddos was screaming that they wanted their own drinks and I assured them we would be sharing fairly. We took a seat and minutes later one of the employees walked up to our table with our order PLUS an extra side of fries and 3 children cups and gave us a big smile. As we were walking out my kiddos started asking me when we would get a kids meal so they could get a toy, I shrugged "maybe next time" before we walked out the employee from earlier ran up to us with 3 toys and quickly walked into a back room. I asked the cashier for a name- she told me it was the store manager. I was in tears the whole drive home.

And the the time I really needed a couple items from the grocery store and my card wasn't working, the cashier told me to try the ATM but it was out of order. I stood there frozen not knowing what to think, I asked the cashier to cancel me out while I figured something out because I didn't want to hold up the line. Before she did that, the gentleman standing in line behind me (with a single energy drink) said that he would cover it & slipped his card before I could react to his kindness.

Or the time I was volunteering to help a local sports program but I didn't have enough funds to enroll my kiddo in the program. (She was really looking forward to it). On the first day of the program, I had my kiddo with me to "assist" while the other kids checked in and got their jerseys. Right before we started with the days practice, the program director walked up to my kiddo and told her she had a jersey to pick up then winked at me. She had noticed I was on the volunteer list but my kiddo wasn't  registered, (They knew us from the previous season)  she knew I would bring her with me & she didn't want my kiddo to be left out so she paid the enrollment fee for us.

Just these 3 things made my heart overflow with gratitude, I know it was you looking out for me & the family. Providing for us through others and showing us love through the warm smiles and gentle touch. Thank you for being there for me, even when I'm not there for you.

Sincerely - your prodigal daughter

What it means to be a Mom Pt.1

Sometime in December I convinced my husband that I needed another book.
You see I have a been building a collection for quite some time but I don't always quite read them, or if I start reading I don't always finish it.
I asked him to get me this-->1001 Things it Means to Be a Mom: (the Good, the Bad, and the Smelly)I hadn't opened it until recently and I'm hooked. I wasn't sure what to expect (because I hadn't read any reviews) but I was very interested in what it meant to someone else to be a mom.
As a stay at home mom it's quite simple to take this precious blessing for granted. Stepping on toys in the middle of the night on the way to the bathroom, one interrupted shower after another due to ear piercing screams. The joys of cleaning permanent marker scribbles on the wall and removing bubble gum from hair.
Being a mom is not an easy task, some days it drains me, other days it irritates me... but every night when the lights are out and there's finally a little bit of peace I'm grateful for my tittle.

As I was reading along there were quite a few things that resonated with me and I wanted to share to see if maybe you can relate.

 7. Being a mom means getting mad that your husband doesn't get upset about the same things you do.

Let me tell ya, more often than not my husband see things very differently. Especially regarding the gender wars!!! His girls are perfect princesses and my little prince is a big cry baby in his eyes. I hold higher standards for my girls because I know how the world can be for a girl. Equally I cut my boy some slack because, well because he's adorable and his kisses and "I love you"s make it ever impossible to stay mad at him. So yeah, definitely it's true! Being a mom means a lot of explaining to your husband why you're upset.

16. Being a mom means being wiling to be disliked by your kids.

This one made me cry. My kids are only 2, 3 & 7 so I haven't got the verbal expression of this. I can be quite stern (my husband dubbed me "The Warden") and I know my kids don't like me very much when I enforce the rules. It reminds me of all the times my mother put her foot down and I stormed away. I was so upset that my friend and their moms were best friends but mine wasn't approachable... and I realize now that I had enough friends so I'm glad my mom stayed my mom- even when I told her I didn't like her.

29. Being a mom means taking a vacation away from the kids.

I'm on mom duty 24/7/365. The hours are long, the environment is chaotic, the breaks can be non existent and the stress levels can be quite overwhelming. Truth is I need a break every now and then. We can't afford to get away for the week while someone watches the kids like most families, so I live on mini vacations. A walk around Wal-Mart without someone demanding my attention can be quite relaxing.

42. Being a mom means cooking dinner while everyone else is watching T.V.

I have a love hate relationship with the T.V.! When my husband was deployed to Afghanistan last year, the T.V. was off most of the day. I didn't want to get distracted so we saved T.V. for bed time where we could all cuddle and enjoy the show. Now that daddy is home I can do more of what I need to do but I feel excluded from what was our family time. When I'm finally ready to settle in and get my show on I can't- keep tight for

51. Being a mom means keeping your relationship with your husband a priority.

Bed time is the only time my husband and I have to ourselves.  Even then on some nights little ones crawl into our bed and wedge between us. So that little time before we fall asleep I like to turn my attention to him. I hear a lot of women say their kids come first- but that logic is flawed. You had your husband before you had your kids & when your kids are long gone it's your husband who will remain. Your husband is the most important and precious connection. Your success partner, your better half, the spiritual leader- He needs you as much as the kids need him. Prioritize him!

79. Being a mom means being shocked at the PG-13 movie you're watching with your kids.

Oh my goodness! Even cartoons really shock and appall me! The innuendo and acceptance of crude language and behavior is quite scary. I don't remember the media being so bad back in my day- or maybe it was but I didn't catch on. If it's not a Disney, I'm in constant fear of the next scene.

100. Being a mom means worrying that you've become your mother.

There's days when I open my mouth and my mother comes out... I didn't get along very well with my mother and I worry that my kids will see me the way I saw her. I don't want to become my mother but now I understand the reasoning behind the rules and punishments...

Being a mom can be quite exhausting, while very fulfilling and all together quite scary. There are many others In the first 100 things that had me laughing or nodding to- but I just wanted to share a few with you. Stay tuned for parts 2- 10!

Jr (2)

Sam (3)

Me & Nevy (7)

Condemnation Interferes with Intimacy

I know this is a pretty long video, but if you can spare an hour watch it.



Condemnation interferes with intimacy. 

When there is guilt you don't make room for a trusting loving relationship.

When you feel like you have to make up for something, you're busy working instead of building.

Slow your role!!! Get your relationships in order and work together.



God wants to know you. We know who God is, He knows who you are, but are you spending enough time with Him to confidently say you have a strong connection?

Would you consider it a loving relationship? Would you say you're friends, engaged, or married with God?

Are you wrapped up in ministries trying to win souls and feel like you're hitting a wall?

Or are you getting intimate with God, birthing souls and moving your ministries forward?

There IS a difference!!!

I share this with you because it really tugged at my heart.
It is time we dare to be loved but also dare to get intimate with God.
Intimacy is beautiful & some people are scared of it because it puts you in a vulnerable position... Lucky for us we know that God has been, is and always will be the same.

Put your trust in Him, delight in Him, praise Him, offer your body, heart & life to Him.

Then and only then will the desires of your heart align with His will for your life and it will be added to you.



So take a moment and reflect-
What are YOU doing RIGHT NOW?
What are you working towards? What are the reasons behind your works?
Are you feeling condemned or intimate with God?



This is not in any way to judge you or put you down- but more so to raise a personal awareness.
In humility I urge us all to do a heart check for our benefits.
It is my hope and prayer that we all reach the level of love and intimacy with God that we want and need.

We are Family

So we've been having a series in church about family life and today was the last and final part focusing on parenting. It really hit home for me & I feel like I have to share it with you.

(Listen to the podcast here)

Parenting: It's not about controlling their behavior, 

it's about capturing their hearts

     Parenting is tough, and we make mistakes. We have messed up and we will continue to mess up. We're not perfect, and thats ok. Don't bee too proud to let your children know: "Mommy &/or Daddy isn't perfect and I'm sorry, but thats why you have Jesus. He can heal you and your heart if I hurt it or if I can't help you heal it. I don't have all the answers but he can help me love you better if you pray for me, just like I pray for you."

Surround yourself with Godly parenting examples, glean from them. Observe & listen. Our parenting requires 4 stages: Discipline, Training, Coaching and Friendship. First things first- if you're a single parent sit down and make a list of the things you want to to teach your kids and the things you will absolutely not stand for. If you're married, make sure you both agree and that you back each other up instilling and drilling in these core values. The example used where the non tolerable Dx3- Disobedience, Dishonesty & Disrespect.

Starting with Discipline (Ages 1-5) You must TEACH your children that there are consequences for their actions- GOOD and BAD. ***Be extremely careful when it comes to physical discipline. In the heat of the moment discipline is just a hairline away from abuse. Don't cross that line, don't lose your child, this is considered disrespect and it causes distrust. 

It doesn't matter how you do it but do it- discipline diligently, consistently and calmly.  Remind yourself that "the days are long, but the years are short." They grow up so fast and before you know it they are out in the world and the biggest thing they take with them is the memories you shared and the things you instilled in them. Discipline them in their mistakes and PRAISE them in their efforts, accomplishments and successes. It is equally important that you purposely catch them doing right. Shed light on their positive actions, it's both empowering and encouraging to them.

Training (Ages 6-11) This is reinforcing the foundations, it includes discipline but it's a different type of discipline. In their early stages you teach them to do things your way, in this stage they start thinking and making their own way. Tell them daily "God has a plan for you and you do not want to miss it!" Drill your love into your children by continuously encouraging them and reminding them they are loved. Help them make the right decisions but don't make decisions for them. Let them fail, don't bail them out. This will teach them that things go wrong, and it will encourage them to seek your guidance. The stakes are low at this age,  resiliency is a great thing to learn early. Ask them: "What do you think Jesus would do?"  allow them to think and come to conclusions. I think the reason why "Common sense" isn't so common these days is because people tried too hard to control the actions of their children without making them think about it. Once they were old enough to break free of the control they had no incentive to think deeper.

Coaching (Ages 12-18) Give wise council. It's important that you teach them early on to show respect to you, their siblings and themselves. Cultivate speaking life. Daily tell them something positive about them, something you love. You must tell them what they need to hear, not what they want to hear. You are the parent not the friend! They have plenty of friends in school! Do NOT fear that they will stop liking you- they probably will and that's OK, because later they will and later is longer that right now. A quick way to know how you're doing in your parenting: stop and listen to the way they talk to their dolls, their siblings & their friends. They're little mirrors! You will hear  yourself come out of their mouth often, so give them something positive, kind and wise to repeat! When they're in the wrong, don't get mad, get grieved. Draw near to their disobedience & remind them that there is a better way.

Build them up daily- you are their advocate! It is not your job to control their actions, it's your job to capture their hearts by showing them love and appreciation- because mom/dad, if you don't do it they will go out and seek it from somebody else. Capture their hearts with YOUR LOVE and lead them closer to Christ.

Friendship (Ages 18-#) From early youth do your part to intercept faith with decision making. God is real, he's not just a fictional character in an old book. Bed time stories? Read a chapter of the bible daily. Scary, personal, difficult questions? Do not be afraid to be transparent: "I did things wrong but God has a better way for you" Allow them to learn from you so they don't have to search for the answers in the world. Openly speak about relationships. "Purity paves the way. " "There's no shame in waiting!" "Don't act like you're married when you're not" "Always make your intentions known" "Foreplay is not end play" SEX IS NOT FOR GROWN PEOPLE, IT'S NOT FOR INLOVE PEOPLE, IT'S FOR MARRIED PEOPLE.  Keep it that way and avoid the void in your soul and the pain in your heart. 

If you lay your foundations right and capture their hearts you will have made a friend for life. Your children will seek your advice, will look to you for comfort and will take heed in your words.

Stay blessed. Love your children & remember: Dare to be loved! <3

Sunday Funday Success

Life Update 8/2014

Family Blurb

We celebrated Samantha's birthday today at Chuck E Cheese's. 

She had a blast! She was not afraid of Chuck E. 

She took pictures, ate cake, played a few games & even earned herself some tickets. 

She even went in the ticket blaster with me!!!! 

Nevaeh did not (We also celebrated Nevaeh's 3rd birthday at CEC). 

She's a brave kid. I of course was falling apart having to deal with "throwing" yet another party without my better half. 

Deployments suck. 

Life is so much easier when Anthony is home. 

He gets to be the ball of nerves and I get to be the cool & calm one- 

in his absence I take over his role.

We had a few of our bible study friends join us, it is really nice to finally have mommy friends!

Nevaeh had 5 parties all on her lonesome. 

Aside from her 1st being a super giant family gig & a 3rd CEC party with a handful of MY friends- her other parties have just been me, daddy & sometimes grandma. 

It's kinda sad & I feel guilty that her little sister & little bother get to have parties when she didn't.
But alas, she finally had her day with friends (almost) for her 7th birthday.

On that note- Chuck E Cheese's parties are pretty expensive so for a small fraction of the cost we added little Anthony's birthday into the celebration. 

For one I don't feel comfortable with celebrating on halloween because I hate the mixed reactions I get from people when they find out when his birthday is... 

And on another count daddy should be coming back from Afghanistan sometime around then.

I don't want to fluster him with rushing plans. 

I just want to take some time to close the doors and barricade ourselves indoors to try and make up for lost time.

I know it's selfish, but he's been gone a painfully long time already and 

I don't want to have to share with with anyone I don't absolutely have to. 

It worked out because this way Jr got his little celebration in, pictures/memories are good to go & the little fella will never know the difference. 

New Beginnings

This week brings much excitement for me. 

I'm stepping out in faith & probably stretching myself quite thin, 

but this is something I feel like I need to do. 

I originally started my Dare to be Loved blog as a means to share a little bit Jesus into the inter webs but I feel very limited about the topics I can or should discuss. I can often go out on a tangent and have to delete half of my post because it's not on point.

So I have decided to open myself to give me a wide variety to share any and all the pieces of me. 

Now I can focus on my faith based thoughts and still share the other aspects of my passions with you here. 

Also, I've decided to follow through with my original desire to start my vlog.  (Video Blogging)

I'm not exactly sure how, when, or what I'm going to do with it.

It will probably also be a two part thing but expect to hear my voice and/or see my face on the inter webs soon, videos will be shared on this blog page more than likely :p

This Tuesday I begin a new chapter in my mommy life & 

Christian walk as one of the head coaches for Upward at Woodlawn Community Church. 

It's a non-competitive cheer program focused on elevating the spirits of girls & 

introducing Jesus into their lives. 

I was a cheerleader in High School and I've always looked back fondly at that experience. 

Being a part of a squad counting on each other to get the job done taught me great life skills so it's something I've hoped to pass on. 

Nevaeh has always been intimated by cheerleaders, because she's not a preppy girly girl. 

(She's a lot like mommy: loud, bossy, stubborn but shy & a bit cowardly all at once.)

This will definitely give her a boost of confidence & watching her grow as I help out my little squad of eight k-2nd grade girls will be very fulfilling. Just as VBS was<3 

(Thank YOU Emma for sharing these opportunities with me)

With all that said- a Sunday well spent brings a week of content. Have a Beautiful & Blessed week!!!

Daisy Reese- OUT.

Fellowship Found Friendship

We watched God's Not Dead at Bible study today.

I really enjoyed it! What a powerful reminder that there even during the times when God calls us to do something we are afraid to do, we must rest assured He can use it to touch many lives.

And also that we might be the only Jesus someone may see.

My prayer is that I may be bold to step out in faith to follow his command without hesitation.

I can be pretty outspoken at times, but self doubt has held me back. Note to self: don't be self reliant or try to be self sufficient- let go & let God.

On a different note, every morning before school we are watching "The Bible" series on NetFlixs, it's pretty cool to hear my 7yr old tell me "I know that guy, I learned/read about him." This past Sunday they gave out notebooks to every child in Champions church, she is to read a chapter every day & write down her favorite scripture. I find it quite beautiful to add this as a habit to her daily lifestyle.

There's people who struggle with reading the word of God, mostly laziness or lack or priority. 
Myself included. When the year started we took on the challenge to read the Bible's in a year. 
66 books in 52 weeks. The daily reading took anywhere form 10-15 minutes, nothing crazy.  
We spend the same amount of time or longer on Facebook & checking our emails. 
I'm sad to report that WE ALL FAILED OUT of the challenge.

Once you missed a day or two, it became tedious to catch up draining on you- but not impossible.  As ashamed as I am to admit it, I stopped trying. Ashamed because I know that when things are important you make time for it, otherwise you make an excuse. 
What does the Bible say about reading God's word?

2 Timothy 3:16-17 ESV 

All Scripture is breathed out by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness, that the man of God may be competent, equipped for every good work.

Matthew 4:4 ESV 

But he answered, “It is written, “‘Man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word that comes from the mouth of God.’”

Joshua 1:8 ESV 

This Book of the Law shall not depart from your mouth, but you shall meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do according to all that is written in it. For then you will make your way prosperous, and then you will have good success.

1 Timothy 4:13 ESV 

Until I come, devote yourself to the public reading of Scripture, to exhortation, to teaching.

1 Peter 2:2 ESV

Like newborn infants, long for the pure spiritual milk, that by it you may grow up into salvation—

Proverbs 4:20 ESV 

My son, be attentive to my words; incline your ear to my sayings.

It should never feel like a burden to read his word. When you love someone, you WANT to spend time with them.   So if we love Jesus- why is it hard for us to spend some time  with him reading his word? You would't settle with telling your husband "I love you" once a day or once a week or  think it  would be sufficient, right?

Picture this. You go on vacation and you ask your neighbor to check on your mail.  He saw you had a "FINAL NOTICE"  from the library. You owed $8.75 for overdue book & they were sending you to collections and your neighbor decides to pay it for you. When you find out, you would feel thankful. It wasn't a lot of money but at least it won't go on your record affecting your credit score. Maybe  you will take him out for coffee. 

Different scenario, the "FINAL NOTICE" was from your car loan. You've missed 3 payments and owe $1,500. They are reporting you to a debt collector & repossessing your car. Your neighbor pays for it and you had no way to pay him back. You're incredibly grateful. You praise them, run their errands, and help them in every way you can, etc. You owe them big time after all. 

Jesus is your neighbor, this time the "FINAL NOTICE"  is from hell.  You owe your life due to the sin you've allowed into your life & He pays your debt with his own life. 
You can't EVER pay it back. So couldn't we in the least read a few chapters a day with him??? 

I have been ungrateful for His sacrifice. I want to learn his commands, meditate on his word day & night. I want to be nourished by His word DAILY. I may be on a "diet"  to change my body, but as far as my spirit is concerned, I think it's definitely time for a double portion.

Feed your Faith. Dare to be Loved.

  I'm truly blessed that God has put these ladies in my life. We're 6 months into deployment and I know I'm not alone. These ladies are beautiful inside & out. A warm smile, a positive message, a sweet gesture. Exactly what I need at the precise moment I need it. I wanted to fellowship to find friendship and I walked away with family <3

You should let your smile be your most commonly worn accessory. It is beautiful, it is priceless, and it matches every outfit in your closet.