Goodbye Joneses

Lets start over from scratch for the sake of my sanity.

This past 2 years I've been trying to "keep up with the Joneses" and I'm done.

I put my mental health, friendships, relationships and my life at stake trying to 

keep up a facade. 

If you are doing that right now please stop and save yourself the trouble.

I'm gonna go against the grain here and just be completely honest & sincerely human.

I am flawed, I'm the furthest thing from perfect & I'm finally coming to terms with that.

I do not have all the answers, I do not have any magical solutions and I have succumbed to the pressure of life. 

This year It's all about me and my family. My husband got orders (Military) to PCS to VA this spring and we're currently in the process of buying our first home. I'm really excited and looking forward to the changes. 

Resolutions aside, these are goals for this year:

1. Quit my retail therapy addiction
2. Empty my hoarding closet
3. Begin consistently contributing to our finances
4. Launch a YouTube channel
5. Teach my oldest about entrepreneurship 
6. Get her business started (she wants to make and sell crafts)
7. DIY the majority of our new home's needs
8. Lose the extra weight by my birthday
9. Bullet Journal Daily
10. Read all the books in my bedside bookshelf 
11. Pay off my credit cards
12. Believe in me again

I highly encourage you to make this year YOUR year- literally. 

Make your health & well being your priority!

Happy New Year! Until Next time <3

Daring to Dream

I haven't been keeping up. I've been crazy running around like a lost sheep without a trail. I've been wandering in the dessert & I have been wanting for more.
But why more? More of what? More shoes, more food, more clothes, more money, more friends, more time... No... What I needed more of was Jesus.
I signed up for this and that, I went here & there... searching, wanting & not finding.
What's missing? My husband! My spiritual leader! I miss him!!!
I'm tired, I'm exhausted, It's been one thing after another. I wanted a break, I needed a break, but I wasn't getting one. Why? Was this a test? Did I have to keep going through it because I was failing & I couldn't get on to the next level until I passed?
Then something happened. One of my friends from bible study, who's been itching to start working out but couldn't due to pregnancy had her baby. Her husband is deployed & she has an older child. A mutual friend from bible study,  pretty much took over the parenting  responsibilities.
 This friend's husband was away for a 6wk training & she has a child of her own. While he was gone, she decided to start  her health & fitness challenge. She made a lifestyle change by doing Insanity. I saw the exhaustion in her eyes, but not once did she complain.
I watched said child for a night & it was a very interesting dynamic to have 4 children under 1 roof with no help, but it was refreshing.
 An act of selfless service ~ just a splash of joy to my thirsting soul.

I started to look around, I another friend of mine who has autistic twins is making changes to her lifestyle, she started out with P90X3 & then Les Mills Combat. She has lost 30lbs since the year started- her husband is also deployed. My neighbor has 5kids, the 4th has trisomi 18 & has surgeries coming up, she too is doing her fitness while her husband is deployed. A photography client of mine also has a special needs child with surgeries coming up. Her husband just recently deployed & I had the privilege to shoot some family pictures before his departure & she's been working hard on her fitness. Another client & now friend of mine with a deployed spouse & child, went back home to finish her high school credits to earn her diploma AND started working on her fitness. Where am I getting with this?
While I was feeling sorry for myself & my lack of joy & desire- these strong powerful women started flourishing  like flowers in spring around me. What did they all have in common? Fitness.

SO I looked into my own fitness, I was working out sporadically, enough to maintain but not enough to push forward. I was going through the motions. I'd burn off 300 calories to justify eating an extra serving of food. Not necessarily junk food, but out of my proportions. 
I know my weaknesses. I'm an emotional eater. When I feel bad, I eat, when I eat, I gain weight, when I gain weight, I feel bad & the cycle starts over. Missing my husband was making me sad but do I want my husband to come home to a fat, sad/angry wife? No. Do I want my kids to watch me put myself through that? No. So I said: Enough, something's gotta give. 
Then God winked at me. I had just finished my sewing orders when I got recommended & chosen out of a list of several to shoot a home school graduation. I've always had it in my heart to home school. But how? 

We barely get by on a single government subsidized income & my husband wants out. We've talked about him staying in long enough for all the kids to start school before separating from the military because lets face it, no way, no how a family of 5 can survive in this economy out in the civilian world off a single income. 

"Well why don't YOU work?" I often get asked. "Even if I did get a job, I'd end up paying more than my pay check to cover child care expenses, we'll need a second car, pay insurance on that, gas... it costs money to make money!"
So I met these kids & they were wonderful well rounded individuals. I looked at their parents and they were proud & fulfilled. I asked a set of moms "How do you like homeschooling?" ~ "It's well worth the sacrifice, but it has to be in your heart." 

I came home & I started VISUALIZING what it would be like, except my phone kept beeping with facebook notifications & I kept getting side tracked. 

Then God winked at me again. On a single income, we can't afford fancy phones, so my little android keeps running out of memory space. The biggest chunk of memory space was being occupied by facebook- what a coincidence, so was my day. So with all the pain in my heart, I did the unthinkable, I deleted the app. 
It freed up the memory on my phone & it freed up so much time for me too. 

So what did I do on facebook? I read people's status updates... hmmm reading... wait a minute, I HAVE a list of things I wanted to complete over deployment... where was it? Oh there it wass #1. Read 9 books, 1 per month of deployment. Holly molly we're on month 3, I'm 3 books behind!!!

Did you know that 58% of high school graduates wont read another book after leaving high school? Crazy right? Well if you know me, you know that I don't take kindly to being called a statistic, so I try my hardest to do the opposite.
So I started reading my Bible again, but for real this time, I've been reading for about a week straight & writing about it! Finding the Rhema, Promise, Command, Warning & Application out of my reading. 
Then I looked at my bookshelf & out of the approximately 20 new books that I have yet to read, the one that called out to me was: "The Slight Edge: Secret to a Successful Life" By Jeff Olson

I invested in this book about 4yrs ago when I had joined a business opportunity I quit on... I have signed up for 8 different business opportunities in the past century & the one thing they all shared in common was: SELF DEVELOPMENT.
 
So I started to read. There's 168 pages in this book I'm on page 117- wow, what a game changer.
I was so filled with purpose & desire that I went out & purchased another 8 books! Now I have my 9 titles to read by deployment's end!

Self development is knowledge & knowledge is power. So this entire week I've been pushing myself harder in my work outs, I started walking/jogging, I started waking up earlier, I actually finally started practicing the 3 vital behaviors for success. 

2 nights ago I visited a church with a friend of mine & it was amazing. She too is working on her fitness. Sadly I became privy of a struggle she is going through. This is a very dear friend to me, so her struggle hurt deep in my heart, because I've been there. I immediately took the personal development CD's out of my stereo & handed them over. I hope she listened to them. All the drive home I prayed, when I got home I prayed before bed & yesterday morning when I woke up the burden was so heavy in my heart but I had run out of thoughts & words.

Romans 8:26-28 The Message (MSG)

^26-28 Meanwhile, the moment we get tired in the waiting, God’s Spirit is right alongside helping us along. If we don’t know how or what to pray, it doesn’t matter. He does our praying in and for us, making prayer out of our wordless sighs, our aching groans. He knows us far better than we know ourselves, knows our pregnant condition, and keeps us present before God. That’s why we can be so sure that every detail in our lives of love for God is worked into something good.

During the visit of that church I was reminded of who I serve, the great I AM, the all powerful, all knowing, all wonderful & all mighty God. There was an altar call, we should have gone up but she held back. God nudged me to nudge her, but she declined & I settled. We were in the 3rd row, closed in by 2 other people but the 2 rows in front of us were empty. Had I been bold enough I would have more than happily jumped over the seats to get to the front... but my feet were glued to the ground. In the church where I was saved, during encounter, they told us the holly spirit could not speak through us if we didn't open our mouths. I heard people speaking in tongues & it was frightening. I didn't open my mouth then, I was too afraid. Well not anymore, if not for anything else this week of self development brought me to the conclusion that I am fearfully and wonderfully made, and God has plans to prosper me and not to harm me. What ever I ask for in the name of Jesus will be granted, but I must:

Matthew 7:7-11 The Voice (VOICE)

⁷ Just ask and it will be given to you; seek after it and you will find. Continue to knock and the door will be opened for you. ⁸ All who ask receive. Those who seek, find what they seek. And he who knocks, will have the door opened.

⁹ Think of it this way: if your son asked you for bread, would you give him a stone? Of course not—you would give him a loaf of bread. ¹⁰ If your son asked for a fish, would you give him a snake? No, to be sure, you would give him a fish—the best fish you could find. ¹¹ So if you, who are sinful, know how to give your children good gifts, how much more so does your Father in heaven, who is perfect, know how to give great gifts to His children!

So I opened my mouth, and he spoke, tears flowing down my face, arms lifted high & my face to the heavens. What an amazing feeling of overwhelming peace. Friend,if you're reading this, read Romans 8:28-39. Everything is going to be ok.

Whats the point to my story? Evey thing effects everything. The condition of your personal growth has an effect on your physical & spiritual fitness which affects your physical health, thus affecting your emotional health, your financial health, your relationships, your purpose,& how you spend your time.

I don't have time or the desire to be upset or have negative energy over things I can't control. I've got 3 kids I have to put a happy face on for. Be I; sick, sore, tired, lonely- I do what I have to do. I will struggle, but the thing that I thank God I learned early in life, it's that Life is 10% what happens & 90% how you deal with it. There is a very dark deep painful emotional loneliness & depression that can swallow me whole if I let it. But if I let it, what service am I doing my husband& my kids?

 I Love my husband, and I am proud of what he's doing. Yes, I've got my hands full with my munchkins but he's sacrificing his bed, his cuddle sessions, our quality time & affection- for what? to provide for US.
 The very least I can do for him, is to I get up, get dressed, show up AND get on with the day regardless of how I'm feeling.I have finally found my WHY POWER.

 I don't just think  that it would be nice if my husband came home to a fit wife. I desire with my inner most being to do my very best to make him proud of me. I want him to know that his sacrifices were not in vain. I want to shock & awe him when he gets home with what I've accomplished while he was away. 
I don't want him to come home to the me I was before he left, because although there's nothing wrong with that me, that me can be so much better. I am not yet to where I want to be, but I'm much better that where I used to be & he deserves every single improvement & upgrade. 

The thing about wanting things, is that you can either sit back thinking about what you want wishing that your dreams would come true, if you still allow yourself to dream. Or you can get up and do whatever it takes to go get them.The only way to build your dreams is to build them. Literally. So build your dreams or get hired to build someone elses dream. 

My plate is full, my hands are full, my day is not nearly long enough to accomplish the things I set out to do. But I try my best do them, because I want my husband to know that I love him & I want to honor him &God with everything I do. I choose to do something positive with my current situation, my unfortunate circumstance.

You CAN help others only IF help yourself FIRST, so do yourself a favor & pick up a self development book & read just 10 pages a day. For things to get better,YOU have to get better. Do that which will move you forward & onward. The week has 7 days and "Someday" is not one of them. Ultimately YOU decide what you do. The choice is yours. Ask. Seek. Knock. Dare to dream & dare to be loved.

I'm dreaming & I'm dreaming big. Fitness is definitely the industry to work in. In a world of instant gratification- fast food is on the rise. A new McDonald's just opened outside gate 4! 

I'm believing God for success. A Prophet told my husband he has an evangelical pastoral calling on his life & he has a missionary heart. We're supposed to tithe 10% of our earnings to God, I declare here & now that my goal is to make enough to where I can support our family with 10% of our income so we can give 90% back. Missionary trips, new churches, schools, shelters, wherever God needs us I want to go there. 
We can't go now because we cannot afford it, but if God has put it in my heart I know there is a reason. 
Yes I know, those are big dreams, but guess what? My God is BIGGER! There are no impossibles for him.

Want to start your own fitness journey? Click _--->Here

Flash: Underexposed

Hello again. I've been MIA and I didn't want Feb to come & go without making a single entry.
I've been feeling dry and empty as of late. My husband left on his first deployment to Afghanistan recently, and it's funny because I've described the way I'm feeling as "Being in the dessert".
For a while before he left we were in the dark about whether he would have to go or not, and for a second due to the events leading up to the deployment I was sure he wouldn't have to go. He was one of the new guys, he got left behind from their preparative training operation, and he was in a car accident which totaled his car that injured his thumb and wrist on his shooting hand... but as the days drew closer I had an unsettling feeling that he would in fact be leaving. Ever since then it's been like someone turned up the f stop and lowered the ISO on my lenses (eyes) making my life underexposed.

What that means to me as a Photographer is that there's little to light coming in. I've lost the desire to do the things I love doing the most. I haven't worked out, It pains me to sew... even indulging in retail therapy leaves me feeling emptier & lonelier than ever. I got a brand spanking new awesome camera & lenses. I upgraded from a Canon Rebel T3 12mp with Kit lens 18-55mm to a Canon EOS 70D 20mp with a 50mm, 18-55mm, 75-300mm and some macro wide angle lenses plus filters. If you're not into cameras it's like going from a promise ring to an engagement ring or dinner at McDonald's to Dinner at Buffalo Wild Wings lol idk I'm bad at comparisons. The point is I now have the one thing I've been dreaming of for the past year and it's just sitting in my closet. Life has lost its color and luster. I never saw it coming.

Lately I've been watching "GLEE" (Don't judge me) and I identified a lot with Rachel- loves the star light, looks at the bright side, bubbly and up beat, always wanting more and going for it, but that has changed.
Whats going on with me? Today was the first day since he left that I haven't cried (yet)... Last week we were out with a bad cold, and this week we fell victim of a nasty stomach virus. The stench of vomit still lurks around as I type. I've been handling it like "Super mom" (thanks Ash) on the exterior, but I'm falling apart inside.
I've always taken pride in being a strong and independent woman with my own goals and desires... so why does this seem so damn hard? (here come the water works) My husband and I are not  spiritually equally yoked, but regardless he is the priest of our home & I miss him so very much.I need his leadership and comfort. I haven't been reading my bible lately... I haven't missed service, and I listen to worship music everyday but I just can't open my bible. I guess I'm just afraid of what God may say...
When I first started reading the bible back in 2010 I didn't know what the heck I was reading. It seemed like a lot of names and numbers. Some kind of history or documentary... but as I kept reading and attending bible studies I kept hearing the the Bible is the breathing living word of God.

So I prayed, that God would open my eyes and my mind, that he would prepare  my heart and my ears so that I could hear from him, and soon after started to read between the lines..I can't remember where but somewhere in the bible it says that that not everyone with ears can hear and not everyone with eyes can see. He spoke in parables so only the ones who cared enough and worked to decipher the message would receive it. Sometimes I would read something I would interpret in my world and before the day was over it would come to pass. Like a foreshadowing, I could hear the direction my life would take. The bible is full of promises, great ones at that. But just as God gives, he takes away. Take Job for example.

As I type this I feel a conviction saying "we can move the hand of God in our favor, don't be afraid" so right here & right now I declare that it's time to let the light back into my life. It's time I let go & let God correct the settings of my life. I don't want to live afraid in  darkness

Every night I ask God to clear the road ahead of him and that his word be the lamp to his feet and the light to his path, because as my day ends, his day begins. I know that the only way I'll get through this time without him is with Christ, because his strength is made perfect in my weakness. It's my turn to take the dare to be loved.

If you or a loved one is serving or has served overseas, I thank you for your sacrifices from the bottom of my heart. And if you were wondering- Yes, we're all wearing red in our home today. It's REDD Friday: Remember Every Daddy Deployed. God Bless you.


Matthew 6: 22-23
  "The eye is the lamp of the body. If your eyes are good, your whole body will be full of light. But if your eyes are bad, your whole body will be full of darkness. If then the light within you is darkness, how great is that darkness!

The only thing sadder than being blind is to have sight but no vision. 

Fitness: It's more than Physical

 Before I decided to commit myself to a lifestyle change, I never really gave thought to why it is important. I mean yeah, there's benefits to working out. It means I could loose a little weight, and maybe feel a little better about myself. After all cardiovascular exercise is good for your heart, and thus for your wallet (less medical expenses in the future) But as good as that sounds, it just wasn't all that motivating...

After all I'm married & my husband loves me no matter what size I wear. I could probably just fix my depression (due to over eating & lack of self love) with some anti-depressants. If I feel fine right now- We can just deal with the future & medical issues when I get there... right????

But...Is not working out OK? Am I benefiting from settling and not trying to improve? Am I just meant to just be fine with being unhappy with my weight & the size of my jeans? And Is being too busy, or not having enough money right now (because I don't prioritize my health over Netflix, fast food & gas to drive to the store that's just 3 blocks away) an acceptable excuse for putting off self improvement?

Excuses after excuses (that seemed like reasonable reasons) kept me from making the change for a while. I stayed sick & tired of being sick & tired and it made me even more sick & tired... and then I came across this:

Instantly I felt convicted... We were made in the image of Christ, our lives were purchased at a very high price, and my body is a temple... but I sure wasn't treating it like so...
Was my lifestyle a reflection of my faith? Was I honoring God with my body and giving him glory with my habits? I got to thinking about the 7 deadly sins... (as defined in Wiki)

• 3.1 Lust Lust is equivalent to intense desire which could involve the intense desire of sex, pleasure, money, food, fame, or power as well. 

Have you ever lusted after food? Have you ever watched a commercial about food and suddenly got the craving? Did you mouth water as you visualized the flavors in your mouth, and the satisfaction in your tummy? A common term on the web these days to describe a succulent meal  is "Food Porn" . Food has become an idol to some of us. I'm not immune to this! I often battle between starting my day with Shakeology (meal replacement shake) followed by healthy less appealing food that nourishes me instead of just indulging in fatty deliciousness...

• 3.2 Gluttony Gluttony is the over-indulgence and over-consumption of anything to the point of waste, the excessive desire for food causes it to be withheld from the needy, gluttony can be interpreted as selfishness; essentially placing concern with one's own interests above the well-being or interests of others. A more expansive view of gluttony, could also include an obsessive anticipation of meals, and the constant eating of delicacies and excessively costly food. 

If you are: eating too soon, eating too expensively, eating too much, eating too eagerly, eating too daintily or eating wildly you might be guilty of gluttony. Are you the first one to dig in to the platter and fight over the last piece?? I know I have

• 3.3 Greed Greed is an inordinate desire to acquire or possess more than one needs, especially with respect to material wealth. 

Are there any holes in your pockets? Is there maybe something that you're spending your money on that you don't really need?  Could you put aside an allowance for proper maintenance of your temple? I myself  was hoarding fabric, crafting supplies & bags from 31gifts... they're so cute & adorable!!! I didn't have enough money for a fitness program because I didn't put a value to my body & health- but Jesus decided I was worth his blood!!! Surely I had to make some changes..

• 3.4 Sloth While sloth is sometimes defined as physical laziness, spiritual laziness is emphasized, a sloth has also been defined as a failure to do things that one should do. 

 Personally I think, as a Christian, that spiritual fitness & physical fitness go hand in hand. How can we say we love God and not read our bibles (spiritual bread)? How could we invite Jesus into our hearts & ask the holy spirit to reside in us and not spend at least 25-30 mins at least 5 times a week to maintain his temple? While the Bible doesn't depict Jesus pumping iron it says He walked from one place to another. People followed him- not came to him... He exerted physical effort!! He also showed self control and restraint during his 40 day fast. He, being the son of God, could have made everyone cater to him & carry him around without him having to lift a finger. I know for me It can be difficult to choose to wake up earlier to get a good uninterrupted workout & read my bible while I'd rather just sleep in...

• 3.5 Wrath  Wrath is also known as "rage", can be described as inordinate and uncontrolled feelings of hatred and anger- in its purest form, presents with self-destructiveness, violence, and hate. Feelings of anger can manifest in different ways, including impatience, revenge, and self-destructive behavior, such as drug abuse or suicide.  

Have you ever felt wrath of self? When you tried that 2week diet and lost 10lbs only to gain 12 back? And   instead of trying harder you just binged on food then told yourself off and wondered if you were better off dead??? (I've been there) That's not God's plan for me, not for you either...

• 3.6 Envy  Envy is similar to jealousy in that they both feel discontent towards someone's traits, status, abilities, or rewards. The difference is the envious also desire the entity and covet it.

 Have you ever had that skinny friend who could eat an entire pizza and was still a size 0? "Man I wish I had that metabolism, I wish my clothes fit like that..." This has crossed mine- about my husband! While not all of us are born with the skinny gene, we have the ability to do something about it. Stop wishing and start doing!

• 3.7 Pride  It is identified as believing that one is essentially better than others, failing to acknowledge the accomplishments of others, and excessive admiration of the personal self. 

Oh my friend works out & looks & feels great- whatever- I don't need to do all that. I'm perfect the way I am... (high cholesterol and ALL) I am God's princess and I am under grace- So I can get away with not working out & indulging in yummies... God loves us so much that he gave his only son to die for us even though we were sinners. Jesus died for you... but are you living for him?

 I quickly realized that the path I was on wasn't getting me to a happy destination, they are called the 7 deadly sins for a reason... and we know that the wages of sin is death. It was a WAKE UP call. Since I started my lifestyle transformation journey so much has changed. My mood has improved, my energy has increased, I've lost inches & self wrath. I've been more appreciative of what God has done, in doing and will do. I've dug deeper into his word and rejoice up keeping my temple.

If the physical isn't a motivation to make a change, dig deeper. Where do you want to be this time next year? 5yrs? 10yrs? Is your current lifestyle gonna take you there? Could you improve in any area of your life? While fitness brings along physical benefits, it also brings discipline, it helps build good habits & character.

If you have kids, what are you teaching them? Know that they are watching you, and being influenced by you. What's the example you are setting? Are we ignoring the problems and hoping they go away? Are taking the cheap fix easy way out like popping pills and wrapping something around you for 45mins- or do we set goals, work hard & stick to them?

Being a beach body coach keeps me accountable, I've gotten to meet wonderful people. I've inspired some of them and been able to see a transformation in  my challengers physical & spiritual journey. I'm not writing this post to try to sale you something or influence you to buy from me- I simply wanted to put this out as a self reflection post. Get a DVD @ Walt-mart if that's your budget. The point is to start somewhere. Work hard in all you do and honor God with your actions. Stop polluting your temple.

Dare to be loved & accepted, not just by God, but by yourself.

Friends: Weeding The Garden

In high school you were in a close setting of people going through "the same" stuff, and things in common were obvious- age, status, etc... Not so much in real life. Getting and staying saved can add a challenge to making & keeping friends.

My old friends wanted me to drink, party & stay out all night. "Have fun, indulge, You only live once" 

The thing was I no longer needed alcohol, adrenaline or sin to have fun. Indulgence to me became diving into my bible and reading about how much God loves me.

The common misconception of “YOLO” is lie set forth by the enemy. We don't live just once- we live twice & I don't want to die twice.

A physical death can be a reward, but spiritual death is eternal- that's scary!  

"Well how do you even know if heaven or hell even exist? Won't you feel pretty lame if you die and you wasted a lifetime of opportunities to do what you REALLY wanted to do?"

I rest assured that I will enojy the next life in my fathers arms, and it will be a life far better than this one. Faith is being certain of things you cannot see. Praise the Lord for my Faith, but for the sake of exploring lets ask this: What If when you die you to come face to face with the living God, a good who is loving and just, and you realize that your truly wasted a lifetime of opportunities to get right with him and now too late? What then?

Needles to say, many of my “friends” left, and that's a good thing. Bad company can break good habits. I was now a weirdo and a Jesus freak- and I was OK with it. I made friends with the girls in church, bible study, school of leadership & the Christian acquaintances I had previously ignored. You know the bible says when a person gets saved the angels party in heaven; these people rejoiced & celebrated me for getting on the right path. Now they embraced me as family. More than friends, I finally found what I always wanted: brothers and sisters, In Christ.

Outside of church however, it can be challenging to make and build friendships with people who don't share your beliefs. While we do have to go out of comfort zone and witness, the bible is clear as to whom we are suppose to fellowship with and who not to.

It's not that I won't be there for you if you need me, because I will. If there's nothing I can physically do for you, know that I will pray  for you. The problem is that I can't sit by with my hands tied and watch you happily hop your way to hell. You will find me annoying & judgmental for speaking up and hate me or you will tempt me to join you. Remember that I am human and have a sinful nature, I have to protect myself from my weaknesses. If you don't want to be saved with me, don't make me fall.

While it is hard to let go of people we've been through so much with, it is important that we weed our garden. We can plant seeds, we can water them, and God shine's his light- but not all people are called. We don't choose God, God chooses us, and he wants us all to himself. Don't compromise your salvation!!! Try, try & try- fast, pray & invite them to Jesus- but learn to recognize when to cut your loses. 

 Dare to love & be loved by God, not the world.

 1 Corinthians 15:33 Amplified Bible (AMP)

³³ Do not be so deceived and misled! Evil companionships (communion, associations) corrupt and deprave good manners and morals and character.

2 Corinthians 6:14-18 The Message (MSG)

^14-18 Don’t become partners with those who reject God. How can you make a partnership out of right and wrong? That’s not partnership; that’s war. Is light best friends with dark? Does Christ go strolling with the Devil? Do trust and mistrust hold hands? Who would think of setting up pagan idols in God’s holy Temple? But that is exactly what we are, each of us a temple in whom God lives. 

God himself put it this way:

“I’ll live in them, move into them;
    I’ll be their God and they’ll be my people.
So leave the corruption and compromise;    leave it for good,” says God.
“Don’t link up with those who will pollute you.
    I want you all for myself.
I’ll be a Father to you;
    you’ll be sons and daughters to me.”
The Word of the Master, God.

Family: It takes 2 to tango & 3 to party

In continuation from my last blog- life without God isn't really living. The same way that God is love & if you don't have God in you & you don't know him personally; then you don't have love in you, you don't know love & therefore are unable to trully love another. Anthony & I were a couple of the world & we didn't stand a chance, not without God.
I was 21, Nevaeh was 2 & Anthony had left us to join the Army. He joined the infantry, in a time of war... I didn't know what to expect, or if I'd ever see him again. It was February of 2010.

In one of the services I went to the Pastor's wife came out during worship & started to say:

"God is good, all the time- all the time, God is good- he gives and he takes away, that is just a part of the process but today He wants to give things back to you- whatever it was, your job, your children, your car, your husband, your health- whatever he has taken away, was with a purpose. Perhaps it was getting in the way of your relationship with him. He asks you today to prove your faithfulness today with a faith offering of $XXX to show him that from now on you will put HIM first- then and ONLY then whatever he has taken, whatever he has broken, WILL BE RESTORED for HIS GLORY."
That's the moment it clicked- I've always said my life mantra was "everything happens for a reason" this was the reason & I was ready to comit my life to Christ & make him a part of everything. So I prayed that He would restore my family. The women's encounter was week later & I was ready for a change.
My mother was very upset, that not only had I betrayed "my religion" (Catholicism) but that I was going to be at a 3day encounter from April 16 untill the 18th- which happened to be Nevaeh's 3rd birthday. As I saw it- I was giving her the best gift in the world, a better mom. As my mom saw it, I was wreklessly abandoning my family & my faith.
The 18th, after I got out from encounter, I took my daughter to Chuck E Cheese. I was determined to be a better mom so I took her to the park the next day as well & we had a lot of fun. We had hardly done anything fun since Anthony left but now I had a new found faith, and inner peace that all things would work out fot the better.
The next day, April 20th, my mother comfronted me about my choice to rebel against her & everything she raised me to be. I told her that she should be happy I found God & that I wasn't sorry for the changes & that I would move out if she really didn't want to see the work God was going to do in our lives. She informed me she didn't care if I wanted to "screw up" my life so long as I didn't drag my daughter into it. She said that I was free to leave but my daughter would stay behind. "Never" I yelled as I stormed off to work. 2 hrs later a police officer walked into my place of employment- I was the first cashier by the entrance. He asked me to step outside, puzzled I followed. Once outside he asked me to turn around & told me I was under arrest for child abuse while putting handcuffs on me. Ladies & gentlemen- I was taken to jail.
You see my mother decided to call CPS and say I was an unfit mother. I worked full time & went to school full time so she claimed I had no time to care for my child. The fun we had at chuck e cheese & the park crawling & climbing had manifested little bumps & bruises on my little girls legs, which she claimed I inflicted out of frustration with my situation in life... talk about persecution...
For the next 3 days I prayed, fasted, sang songs of praise & read a bible outloud.
In jail my experrience was unpleasant. The jailers were nasty to me, they grabbed my arms with pressure leaving deep bruising on my skin while pushing me around during transfers. They took my shoes, my jacket, my bra & any extra articles of clothing- leaving me with socks, pants & undershirt during intake. They threw bags with "meals" at the floor during meal times. It was cold in there. I lost my voice. Then on the 3rd day the judge dismissed my case without seeing me & I was released. There was no criminal charges against me but CPS had opened a case & they removed my child from my custody. 
"God won't give you something you can't handle"- they said... God must've thought I was really strong. I was being tested. I was put in the fire. It was the moment of truth. I had the choice to blame God & do something stupid to piss him off & & screw up my chances of getting Nevaeh back OR I could trust that God had a plan... So I continued to pray...
One day in June Anthony called. He had graduated basic & AIT & he was on leave. I told him everything that was happening & like the hero he is, he came to my rescue.
I flew out to Houston that very night & we were reunited. It was a Saturday night /Sunday morning when I got there & I had to be back to appear in children's court on Tuesday Morning.
We called a courthouse first thing Monday & we got married, he returned with me & we showed up to court.
The case was no longer about a single mother with no time for her kid living with mom going nowhere fast, now there were married parents with military benefits, a home & the ability for mom to stay home to devote all her time to the child fighting to get her back TOGETHER.  It was another 2 months before they reversed the custody hold, but we were still unable to leave the state.
To say the begining & first year of my marriage was tough- is an understatement. Many days I was unsure what would become of us. He was inpaintiently waiting for us accross the country, and I couldn't see the end of the state restricition....

During this time, God was working in our lives & If you haven't noticed, God works in mysterious ways. There was a time when I thought we wouldn't make it... but God was greater than any and every of the problems that were thrown our way.
Let me tell you... my husband is amazing. He has the heart of God. He loves me & our family unselfishly, selflessly & unconditionally. As a man, he's got a very tough, hard & serious exterrior, but inside he's mushy, warm & sweet. He wasn't that way when we were dating- but I'm telling you- God works things out for the Good of those who believe in him.

So what's the message?

If today things are falling apart in your world- know that sometimes things have to fall apart in order for them to fall into place. If you have God in your life it's important to remember:

1. There are times of trials & testing: if you've ever read the story of Job, you know what I mean.
Don't lose hope, keep the faith, don't fear & be courageous! It's always darkest before dawn & you can't get a rainbow without the rain. Your faith will be rewarded. The greater your suffering, the greater your reward.

2. Trust in God's plan and his timing: Sometimes we pray & expect an answer inmediately- but there is a time & a place. In many places in the bible you will see that the men & women of God waited & waited YEARS- for their promises. So don't be discouraged if you're still waiting...

If you don't have God in your life- consider the fact that perhaps it takes hitting rock bottom for you to have no other choice than to look up.
If you're there, if the stress & worry are making it hard for you to stand, perhaps it's the perfect time for you to get on your knees and pray. I pray that God draws you near, that your heart will be softened & that you will open yourself up to him. Don't be afraid- God is a Just and loving God- Dare to be loved today.