In my feelings...

The other day on my drive to work I heard a story on the radio that broke my heart. It was about a young girl who had a terminal disease and had only days left of life. Her wish was to marry her best friend one day and he agreed. Mind you they were both under 10, never the less the parents set up a ceremony and they got "married". The young girl died just a couple days later...

It pained my heart but as much as I wanted to sit there and shed a tear, I was running late so I rushed out from my car and buried it. Almost toward the end of my 4 hour shift a little boy approached me and asked if I worked there. He told me his mom was having a hard time finding her size so I followed him back to his mother who had her back towards me.

"Mommy I found someone to help you!" he said excitedly as she turned around. Half of her face, chest and her left arm were covered in burn marks... "Malachi don't bother the lady, I'm ok" she said embarrassed avoiding eye contact. I asked her what size she needed and offered my help but she declined- so I wrote her size down for Malachi and showed him how to look for it on the drawers. He is 6yrs old and had a younger brother with him no older than 3. As they were leaving he approached me again and said  "I'm sad we couldn't find her size but thank you for your help." The look of disappointment in his eyes, like he let his mom down- it burned right through me.

I couldn't help but wonder what happened to her. Did she run into a burning building to save her sons? Did an abusive husband burn her in an act of violence for trying to keep her boys safe? I'll never know, but what I do know is that Malachi looked at his mother like she was the most beautiful woman in the world and he loves her deeply.

Then I got home and watched some Grey's Anatomy and cried my eyes out... There is so much that I feel through out my day that I can't react to, that finally being able to feel and express it openly from under my covers is a much needed cathartic release. And then after all of that, I get to lay down in my comfy bed, in my house, next to my loving husband, with our healthy loving children sleeping upstairs and our loyal dogs laying close by protective of us all. Overwhelmed with gratitude, I back to waterworks until I eventually fall asleep...

I used to hate being so darn sensitive and emotional, but I feel so blessed to have the ability to emphasize, sympathize and feel so deeply. Just as the smallest things can bring so much pain, they can also bring so much joy! It's almost funny when my 5yr old sees me tearing up and asks me "What's wrong? Why are you crying?" and I have to explain happy tears.

It's ok to feel folks! You're entitled to having emotions- just don't stay stuck in a bad one... Night will fall, but the sun will always rise again. 🌞

On Purpose

So this past Sunday was "Vision Sunday" at our church.
We got to be witness to our friend's Baptisms and we served at the Fall Festival.
We were given these awesome "On Purpose" T-shirts.
During Sunday service we received the message that
we were created on purpose with a purpose. 
This was welcomed by me as lately, I have been struggling with "finding my purpose".
Sometimes my days are long,
and sometimes I blink- the day is gone and nothing was accomplished.
This brought me back keeping up with my Bullet journal
and I wrote down a 17 before 2017 list.
I set out to accomplish these things on purpose,
not just let think about and hope I get around to it but actually do  it.
I made this list on Friday and I'm happy to report
that I have already crossed 3 things off my list!

So let me ask you this: what's your driving purpose?
and how are your new year's resolutions coming along?

There are 95 days left in 2016- make them count!

 

Photo credit to an awesome volunteer at out church: Douglas Jacobs

Mental & Emotional tracking

Hello again!

So I was going though Pinterest looking for stuff- printables, layout ideas, stickers, trackers etc and I came across this:

and it blew my mind!

Since Winter of 2013 I have been struggling with anxiety and depression.
Every time I went to my doctors office for a follow up I was asked to evaluate my past 2 weeks and average out how I had been feeling.
People! I couldn't even recall how I got out of bed that morning or if I had had breakfast but I was supposed to produce analysis on my mental & emotional status on demand?

I'm not sure how accurately I answered. My "numbers" were improving according to my doctor's interpretations of my answers even though I felt like I was devolving and spiraling deeper into darkness... I was prescribed the wrong medication for me and I took it for nearly a year.

I desperately wanted a way to show them, diagram my emotions, make a pie chart of some sort to visually explain the torturous turmoil inside me... but I didn't know how or what to do to help myself.

Winter of 14 I discovered this whole "BuJo" idea, and found support to start my journey in a Facebook group.
It was there that I discovered ways to use my personal bullet journal for more than just productivity. Thanks to this method I was able to better explain myself to my doctors and I was put on a different prescription and it made such a HUGE difference towards my progress towards feeling like myself again. 

I've made monthly mood trackers before which are fun and nice to see but to be able to see the whole year... that's just incredible. I wanted to make sure that if anyone else who saw it- liked it- then they too could start doing it right away so I made a PDF form of it but with more defined "moods" or feelings that I personally roller coaster through. You can go ahead and: right click- save image as to your computer and print it off!

.::Click here to download::.

5 key things that make my marriage work

This past weekend was quite a revelation to me about how blessed I am.
We had a gathering for the Holmes VS Tate fight with food and a painting party on the side to keep the gals busy while we waited for the main event.  It was a joyful evening, a good time with great company. Unfortunately the before and after of the evening was not as pleasant for our guest.

A close friend of mine almost missed the party because she had been in an argument with her husband. I'm a mutual friend to both so her husband contacted me and told me she thinks he may be having an affair. He was firm that no such thing was going on and asked me to talk to her and assure her that she didn't have to worry. I tried calling and texting several times with no response, but to my delight, she made it to our painting party with a smile.

At the end of the night my best friend told me she was feeling animosity coming from her husband. She has an ongoing struggle between loving her husband and wanting to be loved in return. While the greatest proof of love is trust, her husband does not trust her. She made mistakes in her youth that he still holds her accountable for. He also has made mistakes, but those mistakes are in the past and have been forgiven. Still he refuses to move forward even though he has no real reason to doubt her.

And last but not least, the couple my husband invited over got into a domestic altercation on their way home. The young wife called out for our help in distress. She loves him but he's abusing her and she didn't know what else to do. She wants him to change but doesn't want to get him in trouble, so she reached out to us instead of going to the police. He is obviously still bitter about his previous marriage and is taking his unresolved issues out on his new wife. My husband and I stayed up to the wee hours of the morning, trying to help them talk through their issues. They're so young and have an infant so we hold on to the hope that they can work through this.

All of this led me to reflect on everything my husband and I have gone through. If I was to tell you detail by detail all that has transpired between us; you would not believe or understand how our marriage has survived or that we have a thriving relationship after all of it. The road has not been easy for us, from bumps to block-wide pot holes, we have kept on trucking through. What makes our relationship so different? Let me tell you about some of the understanding principles that we keep.

1) Forgive without condition:  The bible says that we ALL fall short of his glory (Romans 3: 10-18, 23) but even though we fall short, God loves us! (Romans 5:1-8) Was it not his commandment for us to love one another like loved us? (John 13:34, 15:12) He died for us even though we are sinners and make mistakes- so why would we not love our spouses through their short comings? (Ephesians 4:32, Colossians 3:13) When my husband makes a mistake, no matter how significant, I don't get upset. I expect that he will fall, and as his helpmate I see it my duty to help him back up. And if ever I find negative feelings in my heart, I turn them over to Jesus. Not religious? Holding on to a grudge or hate is like drinking poison yourself and waiting for the other person to die. It's pointless! In the words of Frozen's Ana "Let it go, let it go!" (1 Peter 4:8)

2) Do your part: (Ephesians 5: 21-33) A lot of people take this out of context, submitting is not accepting failure, it is accepting protection. In todays world women are becoming quite liberal, discarding most if not all of traditional values. Women are trying to do or be the man and handicapping the men and then they wonder where all the good men have gone... They have been pushed out and annihilated! Be a woman and let your man be the man... Go to school, get a job, a career, pursue your dreams WITH your husband, not instead of him or without him. Allow him to make those decision with you, trust him, respect his opinion, don't rub his failures in his face, help him pursue his dreams too!  In the same way, men are accepting failure and stopped caring. They walk their journey leaving a trail of broken hearts... It is your job to love your woman, build her up, encourage her, lift her up when she falls, rebuild her, pray for her, cherish her, and forgive her. Everywhere I turn I see couples tearing each other down, STOP IT! The saying goes "It's you and me against the world" NOT AGAINST EACH OTHER!
Respect him, Love her, and fight together for your marriage, family and future. Not religious? Consider your family a company, each member has a role- choose/assign yours and accept responsibilities for your duties.

3) Stay humble: Accept and understand that we are not perfect and expect that mistakes and accidents will happen. (John 8:7) Life, love, marriage, parenting: these things don't come with instruction manuals! You learn as you go, or you seek answers in God's word. (Ephesians 4:2, Proverbs 11:2) I am not perfect, I don't know it all, I'm not the best at everything, I'm not always right. I know and accept this of myself and I know and don't expect perfection from my husband. If we do not agree on something, instead of arguing about who is right, we seek knowledge together. We take advice from others, and accept reprimands and criticism. We work together to improve. Not religious? Check out THIS article, it's about entrepreneurship, but it applies to life as well- Ego/Pride leads to failure, humility sets you apart.

4) Choose to be kind: (1 Corinthians 13: 4-7) Bad things happen, hurtful words are said, but just because it's started doesn't mean it must continue. Turn it around and remember 1, 2 & 3. Each day is a new beginning and a new chance to start over. Don't wake up with an attitude while giving your spouse the silent treatment! That solves noting, choose to be kind instead.  (Proverbs 15:1, Luke 6:35, Colossians 4:6) Sarcasm and snarky replies can lead to an acrimonious atmosphere at home. Being hurtful towards each other builds walls between you that prevent intimacy and separate you. I don't always know how to be sweet during conversations or situations that go sour, but in that case I would rather stay quiet. "If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all" "If you cannot be nice, at least be quiet"   Not religious? You can catch more bees with honey than with vinegar, apply the golden rule. Treat others how you want to be treated or kill them with kindness, either way, you remain a decent, civil, diplomatic, cool-headed king/queen.

5) Don't give up: They say the hardest year of marriage is the one you are in. It's not easy, but it's worth it. Hard times will come, but don't give up. (Romans 5:3-5)You can't fail unless you quit. Marriage is a commitment and a commitment is staying loyal to what you said you were going to do, long after the mood you were in when you said, has left you. (2 Peter 1:5-7) You have to be determined to make it work. Determination is doing what needs to be done, even when you don't feel like doing it. Don't be a part of the problem, be part of the solution. Marriages don't fail because they "can't" XYZ, they fail because the people in them refuse to change their insane destructive patterns of behavior! Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results. Not religious? Quitters never win, and winners never quit. You can't win in life, love, and marriage if you quit. Keep working at it.


With all that said: I am not advising you remain in an abusive relationship longer than you have to, but from personal experience I can attest that your relationship can get past it if you both love each other. Anger management and recovery is possible. Things will not be the same, but they have the potential to be better. If you have a husband with a temper and your husband hits you for the first time (a smack/strike- just 1)- and you decide to stay, speak up for yourself and let him know that it's not ok. "what you allow, you accept"(Matthew 18:15-17) If it happens a second time, tell a friend and family member- set up an intervention, but if he hits you a third time please recognize the pattern of behavior and his unwillingness to change.: Call 1−800−799−SAFE(7233), the National Domestic Abuse Hotline. Concerned professionals will advise you about how to get out safely. It is ok to leave your abusive spouse (1 Corinthians 7:15) If you are in an abusive relationship and your husband is beating you call 1-800-799-7233 immediately.

Be The Match

I met a very sweet lady in September 2012 named Jen. She was a budding photographer I met off bookoo.com Us living on a single income could never afford professional pictures so we were over the moon when she generously offered to do our family/couples/maternity session for next to nothing.  I was so very grateful.
 She became our go to for portraits, she also did birthday pictures for my girls, new born pictures when little man was born and a Boudoir session for valentines.
 I was quite devastated when I found out she had been diagnosed with cancer (leukemia to be exact).

I saw her health steadily decline. She was already quite petite and she slowly was disappearing losing  tons of weight & hair during rounds of chemo that weren't very successful.
She was slowly running out of options and only a bone marrow transplant would add time to her life.   She bravely asked her circle  to consider signing up to be a donor at  BeTheMatch.Org It's an organization that helps connect willing bone marrow donors with those in need of transplants.
I contacted them right away for a donor kit. You simply have to swab the inside of your cheek to send as a tissue sample (very simple & painless).
  I was not a match for her but thank God early in 2014 they found a match for her and she's doing a lot better now.

Recently I received an email from them letting me know I was a match for an 18yr old boy.
While I'm nervous about the procedure, I'm also quite excited to possibly help save a life.
I've just started the process for further testing to see if I am the best possible match for him. 

God works in mysterious ways, while I've been spending all this time throwing a pity party for myself, not knowing what purpose I serve, feeling useless etc. Now I feel blessed to have this opportunity of LITERALLY make a difference in someone's life. (Especially the life of someone so young...) It hits home to me as a mother, what if that was my son? I can only imagine the look of relief on that mother's face knowing that there is hope for her child!

So that is why I thought I'd share some light on this organization today.
If you too would like to make a difference consider joining the donor registry.

Check them out on Facebook 

Goodbye Joneses

Lets start over from scratch for the sake of my sanity.

This past 2 years I've been trying to "keep up with the Joneses" and I'm done.

I put my mental health, friendships, relationships and my life at stake trying to 

keep up a facade. 

If you are doing that right now please stop and save yourself the trouble.

I'm gonna go against the grain here and just be completely honest & sincerely human.

I am flawed, I'm the furthest thing from perfect & I'm finally coming to terms with that.

I do not have all the answers, I do not have any magical solutions and I have succumbed to the pressure of life. 

This year It's all about me and my family. My husband got orders (Military) to PCS to VA this spring and we're currently in the process of buying our first home. I'm really excited and looking forward to the changes. 

Resolutions aside, these are goals for this year:

1. Quit my retail therapy addiction
2. Empty my hoarding closet
3. Begin consistently contributing to our finances
4. Launch a YouTube channel
5. Teach my oldest about entrepreneurship 
6. Get her business started (she wants to make and sell crafts)
7. DIY the majority of our new home's needs
8. Lose the extra weight by my birthday
9. Bullet Journal Daily
10. Read all the books in my bedside bookshelf 
11. Pay off my credit cards
12. Believe in me again

I highly encourage you to make this year YOUR year- literally. 

Make your health & well being your priority!

Happy New Year! Until Next time <3

Reflections on 2015

As this year comes to an end, I am grateful to have survived the whirlwind.
I ended 2014 on a very high note and set really high expectations for this year but I didn't build a sturdy foundation.
So as I took a big leap of excitement, I was met by a mighty downfall into helplessness.
This year resurfaced a lot of forgotten scars, and depression took hold of me.
I basically fell off the face of the Earth and the world went on.
I had been so ashamed and afraid to ask for help that I fell into a very dark and lonely place.

Thankfully my God is bigger than my demons and his grace is sweeter than my bitter pain.
A dear friend of mine shared with me that she too was struggling with some issues and encouraged me to talk to my primary care physician.

I started taking prescription drugs for depression and anxiety and put on about 50 lbs.

It was trial an error for a bit, I spent about 8 months just barely gasping for air.
More recently my prescription switched and I'm starting to feel a little more like myself again.
I'm still struggling with my weight but I'm working towards self acceptance and loving improvement.

On a more positive note, I ran for the PTO at my daughter's school and joined the board as the Fundraising coordinator.
I was head cheer coach for my church's Upward sports program and I started singing with the worship team.

I fell truly madly deeply involve with Doctor Who & I made the bestest friend I could ever ask for.

I chopped all my hair off #StressLevel:Britney lol, and I often have the most deep and intricate world changing conversations inside my head and I always forget to write things out.
I have the most eloquent and passionate debates with myself about hot topics but I bite my tongue in public because I'm afraid I won't be heard and my thoughts won't matter.
 On the bright side my brain is so overstimulated I have the most heart racing dreams!
Anyhow, I seem to have waged a war against Facebook and the news.
I'm depressed enough- aint no body got time for that!
 Well, if you have time for Facebook- you probably don't have time for anything else.

Anyway, one of my new years resolutions was to get closer to my ma... I love the woman more than I care to admit but for the life of me I can't seem to show it.
I remember yelling at her in 5th grade that she was gonna be the reason I would grow up to be medicated and spend all my money on a psychiatrist and here we are.
Everyday I wage a battle between making my mom a part of my life while trying my hardest to be the exact opposite of her and be a better parent to my kids.
I'm so afraid that my munchkins will grow up and feel about me the way I feel about her.
I will have to continue working on that.

So over all I feel like I failed at life this year, but I learned that it's OK to fail!
No body is perfect, everyone is unique and special in their own way. I'm special, I'm delicate, I'm fragile, I'm sensitive and I love myself as I am.
I'm not yet where I want to be but I've come a long way.

Things I did this year to improve myself:

Meditation

Accupuncture

EFT

Self Discovery/Enlightenment

Journaling

Getting out of the house

So there you have it. I usually challenge you to dare to be loved- this year I rose to the challenge.

I love and I am loved! You are too!

May the next year bring you peace and serenity!

Hello again, remember me?

Dear God,

It's me again. I've been stumbling behind you with my eyes closed and I got really off track. The further I got away from you, the more I realized how much I need you and how much you love me.
Even when I wasn't walking with you,  you continued to watch my steps & bless me through others when I needed it most.

Like the time when I was running late to pick up my oldest from school and I was at Hobby Lobby 14miles from her school with 2 cranky toddlers. My youngest grabbed one of those overpriced candies near the check out, (who actually pay for a $7 piece of plastic containing 50 little pieces of sugar? {they looked like nerds}) and when I tried to take it to put it back the thing snapped in half sending all the little pieces flying and scattering all over the floor. I quickly got on my knees frantically trying to pick up these pieces while apologizing for the mess. My face was burning, my hands were trembling and there was a giant knot in my throat. I finally picked up the pieces, got up to pay for that 1 item I needed and realized that they cashier had charged me for the candy she had just instructed me to put in the trash. $7! It may not seem like a big deal but we were down to our last pennies before pay day and I was having a really rough week. I picked up my oldest from school LATE & our fridge was nearly empty so I figured we could get something cheap off the dollar menu plus I had a coupon to BOGO burger. So we orders the BOGO burgers, 10 nuggets, 1 large drink & a large fry totaling $11.56 (I had $12 in my wallet). My kiddos was screaming that they wanted their own drinks and I assured them we would be sharing fairly. We took a seat and minutes later one of the employees walked up to our table with our order PLUS an extra side of fries and 3 children cups and gave us a big smile. As we were walking out my kiddos started asking me when we would get a kids meal so they could get a toy, I shrugged "maybe next time" before we walked out the employee from earlier ran up to us with 3 toys and quickly walked into a back room. I asked the cashier for a name- she told me it was the store manager. I was in tears the whole drive home.

And the the time I really needed a couple items from the grocery store and my card wasn't working, the cashier told me to try the ATM but it was out of order. I stood there frozen not knowing what to think, I asked the cashier to cancel me out while I figured something out because I didn't want to hold up the line. Before she did that, the gentleman standing in line behind me (with a single energy drink) said that he would cover it & slipped his card before I could react to his kindness.

Or the time I was volunteering to help a local sports program but I didn't have enough funds to enroll my kiddo in the program. (She was really looking forward to it). On the first day of the program, I had my kiddo with me to "assist" while the other kids checked in and got their jerseys. Right before we started with the days practice, the program director walked up to my kiddo and told her she had a jersey to pick up then winked at me. She had noticed I was on the volunteer list but my kiddo wasn't  registered, (They knew us from the previous season)  she knew I would bring her with me & she didn't want my kiddo to be left out so she paid the enrollment fee for us.

Just these 3 things made my heart overflow with gratitude, I know it was you looking out for me & the family. Providing for us through others and showing us love through the warm smiles and gentle touch. Thank you for being there for me, even when I'm not there for you.

Sincerely - your prodigal daughter

Condemnation Interferes with Intimacy

I know this is a pretty long video, but if you can spare an hour watch it.



Condemnation interferes with intimacy. 

When there is guilt you don't make room for a trusting loving relationship.

When you feel like you have to make up for something, you're busy working instead of building.

Slow your role!!! Get your relationships in order and work together.



God wants to know you. We know who God is, He knows who you are, but are you spending enough time with Him to confidently say you have a strong connection?

Would you consider it a loving relationship? Would you say you're friends, engaged, or married with God?

Are you wrapped up in ministries trying to win souls and feel like you're hitting a wall?

Or are you getting intimate with God, birthing souls and moving your ministries forward?

There IS a difference!!!

I share this with you because it really tugged at my heart.
It is time we dare to be loved but also dare to get intimate with God.
Intimacy is beautiful & some people are scared of it because it puts you in a vulnerable position... Lucky for us we know that God has been, is and always will be the same.

Put your trust in Him, delight in Him, praise Him, offer your body, heart & life to Him.

Then and only then will the desires of your heart align with His will for your life and it will be added to you.



So take a moment and reflect-
What are YOU doing RIGHT NOW?
What are you working towards? What are the reasons behind your works?
Are you feeling condemned or intimate with God?



This is not in any way to judge you or put you down- but more so to raise a personal awareness.
In humility I urge us all to do a heart check for our benefits.
It is my hope and prayer that we all reach the level of love and intimacy with God that we want and need.

A song can say so much

There's some songs that just take the words out of your mouth. This one really hit home for me at a time when I was starting to get comfortable with God. Sometimes we fall into a comfortable complacency and we stop trying to influence the world & give way for the world  to influence us. "Oh I'm saved, I've been good, I can get away with a little bit of this & that" Before you know it, you stop reading your bible. The Bible will keep you away from sin & sin will keep you from the Bible. Why? Because you don't want to read and feel condemned- If the shoe fits wear it. If you don't want to wear it CHANGE THE SHOE! Stop sinning and you will no longer have anything to feel guilty about.

This song is a prayer that we should say if e ever feel like we are falling asleep on our faith. 

These are the lyrics, personalized into a prayer form.

Remember that there is no perfect way to pray. Just talk to Him.

Tell him what you think and how you feel. If there's something that you need,

Believe that he will grant it, because according to your faith it shall be added unto you.

Dare to say this prayer today!

LORD AWAKEN ME! because sometimes I feel like I'm just existing but I'm not really living. It's like I'm only watching time slip away.

Sometimes I forget who I am in you & I stop striving to be who I'm meant to be. 

I feel like I'm drifting away from my destiny.
I pray that you Awaken my heart & my soul. Lord, please use your power and take control. 

Awaken the passion to live for you, and Awaken me.
My soul is longing & my heart is searching. There's an emptiness that I know only you can fill. I'm desperate for you to move. Please give me a hunger to come and pull me closer. 

I'm crying out to you. Open my eyes so I can see your presence dwelling inside, because I can't live another minute if I'm not shining your light. Awaken the passion within in me to live out my destiny and shine your light through me.










LYRICS

Fellowship Found Friendship

We watched God's Not Dead at Bible study today.

I really enjoyed it! What a powerful reminder that there even during the times when God calls us to do something we are afraid to do, we must rest assured He can use it to touch many lives.

And also that we might be the only Jesus someone may see.

My prayer is that I may be bold to step out in faith to follow his command without hesitation.

I can be pretty outspoken at times, but self doubt has held me back. Note to self: don't be self reliant or try to be self sufficient- let go & let God.

On a different note, every morning before school we are watching "The Bible" series on NetFlixs, it's pretty cool to hear my 7yr old tell me "I know that guy, I learned/read about him." This past Sunday they gave out notebooks to every child in Champions church, she is to read a chapter every day & write down her favorite scripture. I find it quite beautiful to add this as a habit to her daily lifestyle.

There's people who struggle with reading the word of God, mostly laziness or lack or priority. 
Myself included. When the year started we took on the challenge to read the Bible's in a year. 
66 books in 52 weeks. The daily reading took anywhere form 10-15 minutes, nothing crazy.  
We spend the same amount of time or longer on Facebook & checking our emails. 
I'm sad to report that WE ALL FAILED OUT of the challenge.

Once you missed a day or two, it became tedious to catch up draining on you- but not impossible.  As ashamed as I am to admit it, I stopped trying. Ashamed because I know that when things are important you make time for it, otherwise you make an excuse. 
What does the Bible say about reading God's word?

2 Timothy 3:16-17 ESV 

All Scripture is breathed out by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness, that the man of God may be competent, equipped for every good work.

Matthew 4:4 ESV 

But he answered, “It is written, “‘Man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word that comes from the mouth of God.’”

Joshua 1:8 ESV 

This Book of the Law shall not depart from your mouth, but you shall meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do according to all that is written in it. For then you will make your way prosperous, and then you will have good success.

1 Timothy 4:13 ESV 

Until I come, devote yourself to the public reading of Scripture, to exhortation, to teaching.

1 Peter 2:2 ESV

Like newborn infants, long for the pure spiritual milk, that by it you may grow up into salvation—

Proverbs 4:20 ESV 

My son, be attentive to my words; incline your ear to my sayings.

It should never feel like a burden to read his word. When you love someone, you WANT to spend time with them.   So if we love Jesus- why is it hard for us to spend some time  with him reading his word? You would't settle with telling your husband "I love you" once a day or once a week or  think it  would be sufficient, right?

Picture this. You go on vacation and you ask your neighbor to check on your mail.  He saw you had a "FINAL NOTICE"  from the library. You owed $8.75 for overdue book & they were sending you to collections and your neighbor decides to pay it for you. When you find out, you would feel thankful. It wasn't a lot of money but at least it won't go on your record affecting your credit score. Maybe  you will take him out for coffee. 

Different scenario, the "FINAL NOTICE" was from your car loan. You've missed 3 payments and owe $1,500. They are reporting you to a debt collector & repossessing your car. Your neighbor pays for it and you had no way to pay him back. You're incredibly grateful. You praise them, run their errands, and help them in every way you can, etc. You owe them big time after all. 

Jesus is your neighbor, this time the "FINAL NOTICE"  is from hell.  You owe your life due to the sin you've allowed into your life & He pays your debt with his own life. 
You can't EVER pay it back. So couldn't we in the least read a few chapters a day with him??? 

I have been ungrateful for His sacrifice. I want to learn his commands, meditate on his word day & night. I want to be nourished by His word DAILY. I may be on a "diet"  to change my body, but as far as my spirit is concerned, I think it's definitely time for a double portion.

Feed your Faith. Dare to be Loved.

  I'm truly blessed that God has put these ladies in my life. We're 6 months into deployment and I know I'm not alone. These ladies are beautiful inside & out. A warm smile, a positive message, a sweet gesture. Exactly what I need at the precise moment I need it. I wanted to fellowship to find friendship and I walked away with family <3

You should let your smile be your most commonly worn accessory. It is beautiful, it is priceless, and it matches every outfit in your closet.

Financial Fitness Challenge

This is scary.

 Challenges are meant to challenge you & challenges can lead to confrontation- 

which is one of the things I like to avoid.

I've stepped out in Faith to lead a Financial Fitness Group on Facebook.

As much as I'm leading, I'm also taking the challenge.

I've been given the tools so see it through from beginning to end,

but I have not gone through it on my own...

I want the daily challenge to catch me equally off guard

as it will to the other participants.

People often say that Money is the root of all evil. It's not. 

The love of money is the problem. 

When you think about money and potential- I don't think enough is ever enough.

If RIGHT NOW

Bill Gates came up to you and said he would give you whichever amount

 of money you asked of him- how much would you ask for?

Keep in mind that Bill is the wealthiest man in the world...

Would you ask him for just enough to get out of debt?

Enough to start a nice savings account?

Half of his fortune?

All of it?

More than what he currently has???

HOW MUCH is ENOUGH? 

Have you ever wondered why you don't have more than what you have??

I can admit that I'm guilty of this. I want more, not because I truly need more, 

but because I haven't properly handled what I've been given. 

If I can't handle what I have now- who's to say I would be able to handle more?

Therefore it is my hope that through this challenge I can learn to manage my finances in

a God honoring way. I fully trust that when I stop trying to control my spending and just give over Lordship to him in everything especially my finances- He will move drastically.

There a few things you need to know about God & finances. 

My personal take is that It starts with your tithe. 

If you don't believe it applies to you, why don't you go ahead 

and take God's challenge- test him in this.

Where ever you are & whatever you are facing 

reach out to him & let him love you.

Let your finances be a reflection of your God given dreams & destiny.

You were made to conquer & you are destined for greatness!

Don't let your finances, or lack there of, get in the way of achieving.

God bless <3

Competition Goals

I can't even begin to express the excitement bubbling in my chest.

 Do you know that heavy feeling you get in your chest when you carry your own burdens and confusion? 

I've had it for the longest time... 
Do you know that feeling you get when you have an epiphany, everything makes sense and you suddenly feel like you can fly???

Thats how I feel RIGHT NOW. 

I've always felt like I was meant for greater things but I never really knew what my purpose or potential was. I've been challenged, broken & abused as much as I've blessed with many talents.  I've been given a testimony, desires & dreams but I have never found the outlet to express myself passionately without too many requirements.

Most people probably get annoyed of hearing me say how much I love my job & how grateful I am for Beachbody... some may never fully understand what the Beachbody Challenge has done for me. 

It has opened my heart up to a whole new world that I never imagined I would want to be a part of.

I had been carrying an internal battle against depression, anxiety & PTSD from my childhood trauma & it was manifesting as emotional eating soI just kept packing on weight. 

I tried many things, a variety of meal replacement shakes, diet pills, girdles, wraps and deprivation. I'd lose weight & inches fast only to gain them right back with a few extra more.

My husband is an athletic fellow & he's always enjoyed watching his favorite sport, track & field. I hated watching the events and hear him marveling over these fast impressive women. All the runners with their short shorts, tight figures, muscular hot bodies & a lot of skin. 

I thought of it as exhibitionist and almost pornographical. Why couldn't they cover up???

I hated esthetic physiques. 

His father was into body building so he would often talk about training and what he too hoped to look some day . I couldn't look at image of a bikini or body competitor without feeling sick to my stomach. 
Male or female- it was repulsive.  

Since my journey with Beachbody began, my point of view and my life have changed quite a bit. I've realized that the abuse from my past doesn't have to define my life and it certainly cannot take away from my future potential. Any and all residual pain and anger can be worked off by simply pushing play. 

Working out is the greatest mood booster, better than anti depressants, which I had to take growing up. Depression, anxiety & PTSD are no longer an issue for me. I do have my bad days when I got to bed on top of the world  & wake up with the world on top of me but in the very least I am now confident in my own skin. I'm 25lbs down &  I'm proud of my body because I've worked hard for it.  Self image & self esteem are no longer a daily struggle. 

I am finally starting to love my self, I'm happy with my skin & the curves I've been blessed with.

For the very first time in my life I am looking at these body building competitors  and being inspired. I am sincerely sorry for harboring resentment in my heart and for all the hate I spewed over the past years. 

I'm done being a hater. I'm done letting  the lines get blurred between what I think & feel and what really is. 

 Now I can look an a body and appreciate it for what it is- a temple of God! I can appreciate all the work, time, dedication & sacrifice it takes to achieve it, because although I'm not there (YET) I have had to put in plenty of time & work  making difficult changes (like cutting out ICE CREAM!) to get to where I am.

I want to do something with the opportunity I've been given. I have put out my goals into the universe and I will not be stopped until I reach them. I've started and quit so many things in my life that I consider myself a failure.  

I didn't have a reason or purpose for doing the things I used to do, and that's ok, because I learned from my failures. In our team  Beachbody trainings I have learned that to succeed, I need to do more than work for it. 

In order to succeed I have to figure out and define why I want to do it- or inevitably I'll just quit. 

So I've dug deep, deeper than I ever let myself go and I found it. My motivation stems from my story (You can read it here). The people who have hurt me in the past, broke me & made me believe I was worthless and weak. This is my chance to prove them  & the world wrong. 
This is my opportunity to climb to the top of my mountain, to stand tall and unashamed. 

Every fiber in my being is screaming that THIS IS IT.

I want my physical body to visibly stand as strong as my faith. 

I want to experience a complete transformation and get closer to God as I shed the fat that I accumulated out of hurt and anger. 

I have never set a definite goal because I've been afraid to fail. Insecurities about whether or not I could succeed kept me from even trying.  When I first started my fitness journey I came up some random goals with no expiration date. 
But not this time. I'm giving myself a definite goal & timeline.
I want to compete- while I will have to stand in comparison with other competitors, I'm really only competing against my negative mind. I am convinced that once I set my plan in motion I won't fail unless I quit. 

AND I'M NOT QUITTING!!!!!

I ask for your help. PLEASE! Keep me accountable, Keep me motivated & Keep me in your prayers.

 

INSPIRED by this woman's 14 Week Bikini Transformation & Journey to the WBFF Worlds 2013