We found the one

So this past week my husband and I went on a road trip to look at houses.
We searched in Virginia and Maryland since he will be working near DC we have more options.
We had a list of non-negotiable needs and a wish list of wants which included:

Needs: 
3+ bedrooms (it has 4)
1.5 bathrooms (it has 3 full bathrooms)
Not a corner lot (2nd house from corner)
Not on a main road (2 blocks in 45sec drive to main road)
Gated back yard for dog (1 acre fully fenced in plus built in kennel)
Garage (drive through garage for 2)
Wants:
Basement (its finished and lovely)
Deck (needs refinishing but has a big one)
Porch (does not have one in front but has a screen covered one in rear leading to deck)
Spacious kitchen & cabinets (nice color, stainless steel appliances and roomy enough)
A fireplace (no but has a wood burning stove)
Walk in pantry (bust: tiny closet)
Tub in the master bathroom (bust: crowded room with a stand up shower)

BONUS:
It has a pool & diving board.

All in all I think we made out great. We're super excited about this new stage in our lives.
We went over our initial budget but we were pre-approved for our loan.
Now we just wait and pray that it passes inspection, that it appraises fairly with the agreed upon prize and that the loan gets approved!
We're pushing for a closing date of March 31st and if all goes well, we'll be packing up and driving out April 1st.
Hubby is due to begin work on April 10th so it gives us a little over a week to get settled in.

The house is in great condition, of course I want to add splashes of color to the rooms and see if I can DIY some magic in to make it personal. We're so used to not being able to many any adjustments with rentals, I can barely sit still as I think of all the possibilities.

All you prayer warriors out there, please lift up our process for approval.
Now to Pinterest ways of meeting the neighbors! Any tips?

Be The Match

I met a very sweet lady in September 2012 named Jen. She was a budding photographer I met off bookoo.com Us living on a single income could never afford professional pictures so we were over the moon when she generously offered to do our family/couples/maternity session for next to nothing.  I was so very grateful.
 She became our go to for portraits, she also did birthday pictures for my girls, new born pictures when little man was born and a Boudoir session for valentines.
 I was quite devastated when I found out she had been diagnosed with cancer (leukemia to be exact).

I saw her health steadily decline. She was already quite petite and she slowly was disappearing losing  tons of weight & hair during rounds of chemo that weren't very successful.
She was slowly running out of options and only a bone marrow transplant would add time to her life.   She bravely asked her circle  to consider signing up to be a donor at  BeTheMatch.Org It's an organization that helps connect willing bone marrow donors with those in need of transplants.
I contacted them right away for a donor kit. You simply have to swab the inside of your cheek to send as a tissue sample (very simple & painless).
  I was not a match for her but thank God early in 2014 they found a match for her and she's doing a lot better now.

Recently I received an email from them letting me know I was a match for an 18yr old boy.
While I'm nervous about the procedure, I'm also quite excited to possibly help save a life.
I've just started the process for further testing to see if I am the best possible match for him. 

God works in mysterious ways, while I've been spending all this time throwing a pity party for myself, not knowing what purpose I serve, feeling useless etc. Now I feel blessed to have this opportunity of LITERALLY make a difference in someone's life. (Especially the life of someone so young...) It hits home to me as a mother, what if that was my son? I can only imagine the look of relief on that mother's face knowing that there is hope for her child!

So that is why I thought I'd share some light on this organization today.
If you too would like to make a difference consider joining the donor registry.

Check them out on Facebook 

Hello again, remember me?

Dear God,

It's me again. I've been stumbling behind you with my eyes closed and I got really off track. The further I got away from you, the more I realized how much I need you and how much you love me.
Even when I wasn't walking with you,  you continued to watch my steps & bless me through others when I needed it most.

Like the time when I was running late to pick up my oldest from school and I was at Hobby Lobby 14miles from her school with 2 cranky toddlers. My youngest grabbed one of those overpriced candies near the check out, (who actually pay for a $7 piece of plastic containing 50 little pieces of sugar? {they looked like nerds}) and when I tried to take it to put it back the thing snapped in half sending all the little pieces flying and scattering all over the floor. I quickly got on my knees frantically trying to pick up these pieces while apologizing for the mess. My face was burning, my hands were trembling and there was a giant knot in my throat. I finally picked up the pieces, got up to pay for that 1 item I needed and realized that they cashier had charged me for the candy she had just instructed me to put in the trash. $7! It may not seem like a big deal but we were down to our last pennies before pay day and I was having a really rough week. I picked up my oldest from school LATE & our fridge was nearly empty so I figured we could get something cheap off the dollar menu plus I had a coupon to BOGO burger. So we orders the BOGO burgers, 10 nuggets, 1 large drink & a large fry totaling $11.56 (I had $12 in my wallet). My kiddos was screaming that they wanted their own drinks and I assured them we would be sharing fairly. We took a seat and minutes later one of the employees walked up to our table with our order PLUS an extra side of fries and 3 children cups and gave us a big smile. As we were walking out my kiddos started asking me when we would get a kids meal so they could get a toy, I shrugged "maybe next time" before we walked out the employee from earlier ran up to us with 3 toys and quickly walked into a back room. I asked the cashier for a name- she told me it was the store manager. I was in tears the whole drive home.

And the the time I really needed a couple items from the grocery store and my card wasn't working, the cashier told me to try the ATM but it was out of order. I stood there frozen not knowing what to think, I asked the cashier to cancel me out while I figured something out because I didn't want to hold up the line. Before she did that, the gentleman standing in line behind me (with a single energy drink) said that he would cover it & slipped his card before I could react to his kindness.

Or the time I was volunteering to help a local sports program but I didn't have enough funds to enroll my kiddo in the program. (She was really looking forward to it). On the first day of the program, I had my kiddo with me to "assist" while the other kids checked in and got their jerseys. Right before we started with the days practice, the program director walked up to my kiddo and told her she had a jersey to pick up then winked at me. She had noticed I was on the volunteer list but my kiddo wasn't  registered, (They knew us from the previous season)  she knew I would bring her with me & she didn't want my kiddo to be left out so she paid the enrollment fee for us.

Just these 3 things made my heart overflow with gratitude, I know it was you looking out for me & the family. Providing for us through others and showing us love through the warm smiles and gentle touch. Thank you for being there for me, even when I'm not there for you.

Sincerely - your prodigal daughter

Condemnation Interferes with Intimacy

I know this is a pretty long video, but if you can spare an hour watch it.



Condemnation interferes with intimacy. 

When there is guilt you don't make room for a trusting loving relationship.

When you feel like you have to make up for something, you're busy working instead of building.

Slow your role!!! Get your relationships in order and work together.



God wants to know you. We know who God is, He knows who you are, but are you spending enough time with Him to confidently say you have a strong connection?

Would you consider it a loving relationship? Would you say you're friends, engaged, or married with God?

Are you wrapped up in ministries trying to win souls and feel like you're hitting a wall?

Or are you getting intimate with God, birthing souls and moving your ministries forward?

There IS a difference!!!

I share this with you because it really tugged at my heart.
It is time we dare to be loved but also dare to get intimate with God.
Intimacy is beautiful & some people are scared of it because it puts you in a vulnerable position... Lucky for us we know that God has been, is and always will be the same.

Put your trust in Him, delight in Him, praise Him, offer your body, heart & life to Him.

Then and only then will the desires of your heart align with His will for your life and it will be added to you.



So take a moment and reflect-
What are YOU doing RIGHT NOW?
What are you working towards? What are the reasons behind your works?
Are you feeling condemned or intimate with God?



This is not in any way to judge you or put you down- but more so to raise a personal awareness.
In humility I urge us all to do a heart check for our benefits.
It is my hope and prayer that we all reach the level of love and intimacy with God that we want and need.

We are Family

So we've been having a series in church about family life and today was the last and final part focusing on parenting. It really hit home for me & I feel like I have to share it with you.

(Listen to the podcast here)

Parenting: It's not about controlling their behavior, 

it's about capturing their hearts

     Parenting is tough, and we make mistakes. We have messed up and we will continue to mess up. We're not perfect, and thats ok. Don't bee too proud to let your children know: "Mommy &/or Daddy isn't perfect and I'm sorry, but thats why you have Jesus. He can heal you and your heart if I hurt it or if I can't help you heal it. I don't have all the answers but he can help me love you better if you pray for me, just like I pray for you."

Surround yourself with Godly parenting examples, glean from them. Observe & listen. Our parenting requires 4 stages: Discipline, Training, Coaching and Friendship. First things first- if you're a single parent sit down and make a list of the things you want to to teach your kids and the things you will absolutely not stand for. If you're married, make sure you both agree and that you back each other up instilling and drilling in these core values. The example used where the non tolerable Dx3- Disobedience, Dishonesty & Disrespect.

Starting with Discipline (Ages 1-5) You must TEACH your children that there are consequences for their actions- GOOD and BAD. ***Be extremely careful when it comes to physical discipline. In the heat of the moment discipline is just a hairline away from abuse. Don't cross that line, don't lose your child, this is considered disrespect and it causes distrust. 

It doesn't matter how you do it but do it- discipline diligently, consistently and calmly.  Remind yourself that "the days are long, but the years are short." They grow up so fast and before you know it they are out in the world and the biggest thing they take with them is the memories you shared and the things you instilled in them. Discipline them in their mistakes and PRAISE them in their efforts, accomplishments and successes. It is equally important that you purposely catch them doing right. Shed light on their positive actions, it's both empowering and encouraging to them.

Training (Ages 6-11) This is reinforcing the foundations, it includes discipline but it's a different type of discipline. In their early stages you teach them to do things your way, in this stage they start thinking and making their own way. Tell them daily "God has a plan for you and you do not want to miss it!" Drill your love into your children by continuously encouraging them and reminding them they are loved. Help them make the right decisions but don't make decisions for them. Let them fail, don't bail them out. This will teach them that things go wrong, and it will encourage them to seek your guidance. The stakes are low at this age,  resiliency is a great thing to learn early. Ask them: "What do you think Jesus would do?"  allow them to think and come to conclusions. I think the reason why "Common sense" isn't so common these days is because people tried too hard to control the actions of their children without making them think about it. Once they were old enough to break free of the control they had no incentive to think deeper.

Coaching (Ages 12-18) Give wise council. It's important that you teach them early on to show respect to you, their siblings and themselves. Cultivate speaking life. Daily tell them something positive about them, something you love. You must tell them what they need to hear, not what they want to hear. You are the parent not the friend! They have plenty of friends in school! Do NOT fear that they will stop liking you- they probably will and that's OK, because later they will and later is longer that right now. A quick way to know how you're doing in your parenting: stop and listen to the way they talk to their dolls, their siblings & their friends. They're little mirrors! You will hear  yourself come out of their mouth often, so give them something positive, kind and wise to repeat! When they're in the wrong, don't get mad, get grieved. Draw near to their disobedience & remind them that there is a better way.

Build them up daily- you are their advocate! It is not your job to control their actions, it's your job to capture their hearts by showing them love and appreciation- because mom/dad, if you don't do it they will go out and seek it from somebody else. Capture their hearts with YOUR LOVE and lead them closer to Christ.

Friendship (Ages 18-#) From early youth do your part to intercept faith with decision making. God is real, he's not just a fictional character in an old book. Bed time stories? Read a chapter of the bible daily. Scary, personal, difficult questions? Do not be afraid to be transparent: "I did things wrong but God has a better way for you" Allow them to learn from you so they don't have to search for the answers in the world. Openly speak about relationships. "Purity paves the way. " "There's no shame in waiting!" "Don't act like you're married when you're not" "Always make your intentions known" "Foreplay is not end play" SEX IS NOT FOR GROWN PEOPLE, IT'S NOT FOR INLOVE PEOPLE, IT'S FOR MARRIED PEOPLE.  Keep it that way and avoid the void in your soul and the pain in your heart. 

If you lay your foundations right and capture their hearts you will have made a friend for life. Your children will seek your advice, will look to you for comfort and will take heed in your words.

Stay blessed. Love your children & remember: Dare to be loved! <3

A song can say so much

There's some songs that just take the words out of your mouth. This one really hit home for me at a time when I was starting to get comfortable with God. Sometimes we fall into a comfortable complacency and we stop trying to influence the world & give way for the world  to influence us. "Oh I'm saved, I've been good, I can get away with a little bit of this & that" Before you know it, you stop reading your bible. The Bible will keep you away from sin & sin will keep you from the Bible. Why? Because you don't want to read and feel condemned- If the shoe fits wear it. If you don't want to wear it CHANGE THE SHOE! Stop sinning and you will no longer have anything to feel guilty about.

This song is a prayer that we should say if e ever feel like we are falling asleep on our faith. 

These are the lyrics, personalized into a prayer form.

Remember that there is no perfect way to pray. Just talk to Him.

Tell him what you think and how you feel. If there's something that you need,

Believe that he will grant it, because according to your faith it shall be added unto you.

Dare to say this prayer today!

LORD AWAKEN ME! because sometimes I feel like I'm just existing but I'm not really living. It's like I'm only watching time slip away.

Sometimes I forget who I am in you & I stop striving to be who I'm meant to be. 

I feel like I'm drifting away from my destiny.
I pray that you Awaken my heart & my soul. Lord, please use your power and take control. 

Awaken the passion to live for you, and Awaken me.
My soul is longing & my heart is searching. There's an emptiness that I know only you can fill. I'm desperate for you to move. Please give me a hunger to come and pull me closer. 

I'm crying out to you. Open my eyes so I can see your presence dwelling inside, because I can't live another minute if I'm not shining your light. Awaken the passion within in me to live out my destiny and shine your light through me.










LYRICS

Fellowship Found Friendship

We watched God's Not Dead at Bible study today.

I really enjoyed it! What a powerful reminder that there even during the times when God calls us to do something we are afraid to do, we must rest assured He can use it to touch many lives.

And also that we might be the only Jesus someone may see.

My prayer is that I may be bold to step out in faith to follow his command without hesitation.

I can be pretty outspoken at times, but self doubt has held me back. Note to self: don't be self reliant or try to be self sufficient- let go & let God.

On a different note, every morning before school we are watching "The Bible" series on NetFlixs, it's pretty cool to hear my 7yr old tell me "I know that guy, I learned/read about him." This past Sunday they gave out notebooks to every child in Champions church, she is to read a chapter every day & write down her favorite scripture. I find it quite beautiful to add this as a habit to her daily lifestyle.

There's people who struggle with reading the word of God, mostly laziness or lack or priority. 
Myself included. When the year started we took on the challenge to read the Bible's in a year. 
66 books in 52 weeks. The daily reading took anywhere form 10-15 minutes, nothing crazy.  
We spend the same amount of time or longer on Facebook & checking our emails. 
I'm sad to report that WE ALL FAILED OUT of the challenge.

Once you missed a day or two, it became tedious to catch up draining on you- but not impossible.  As ashamed as I am to admit it, I stopped trying. Ashamed because I know that when things are important you make time for it, otherwise you make an excuse. 
What does the Bible say about reading God's word?

2 Timothy 3:16-17 ESV 

All Scripture is breathed out by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness, that the man of God may be competent, equipped for every good work.

Matthew 4:4 ESV 

But he answered, “It is written, “‘Man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word that comes from the mouth of God.’”

Joshua 1:8 ESV 

This Book of the Law shall not depart from your mouth, but you shall meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do according to all that is written in it. For then you will make your way prosperous, and then you will have good success.

1 Timothy 4:13 ESV 

Until I come, devote yourself to the public reading of Scripture, to exhortation, to teaching.

1 Peter 2:2 ESV

Like newborn infants, long for the pure spiritual milk, that by it you may grow up into salvation—

Proverbs 4:20 ESV 

My son, be attentive to my words; incline your ear to my sayings.

It should never feel like a burden to read his word. When you love someone, you WANT to spend time with them.   So if we love Jesus- why is it hard for us to spend some time  with him reading his word? You would't settle with telling your husband "I love you" once a day or once a week or  think it  would be sufficient, right?

Picture this. You go on vacation and you ask your neighbor to check on your mail.  He saw you had a "FINAL NOTICE"  from the library. You owed $8.75 for overdue book & they were sending you to collections and your neighbor decides to pay it for you. When you find out, you would feel thankful. It wasn't a lot of money but at least it won't go on your record affecting your credit score. Maybe  you will take him out for coffee. 

Different scenario, the "FINAL NOTICE" was from your car loan. You've missed 3 payments and owe $1,500. They are reporting you to a debt collector & repossessing your car. Your neighbor pays for it and you had no way to pay him back. You're incredibly grateful. You praise them, run their errands, and help them in every way you can, etc. You owe them big time after all. 

Jesus is your neighbor, this time the "FINAL NOTICE"  is from hell.  You owe your life due to the sin you've allowed into your life & He pays your debt with his own life. 
You can't EVER pay it back. So couldn't we in the least read a few chapters a day with him??? 

I have been ungrateful for His sacrifice. I want to learn his commands, meditate on his word day & night. I want to be nourished by His word DAILY. I may be on a "diet"  to change my body, but as far as my spirit is concerned, I think it's definitely time for a double portion.

Feed your Faith. Dare to be Loved.

  I'm truly blessed that God has put these ladies in my life. We're 6 months into deployment and I know I'm not alone. These ladies are beautiful inside & out. A warm smile, a positive message, a sweet gesture. Exactly what I need at the precise moment I need it. I wanted to fellowship to find friendship and I walked away with family <3

You should let your smile be your most commonly worn accessory. It is beautiful, it is priceless, and it matches every outfit in your closet.

Financial Fitness Challenge

This is scary.

 Challenges are meant to challenge you & challenges can lead to confrontation- 

which is one of the things I like to avoid.

I've stepped out in Faith to lead a Financial Fitness Group on Facebook.

As much as I'm leading, I'm also taking the challenge.

I've been given the tools so see it through from beginning to end,

but I have not gone through it on my own...

I want the daily challenge to catch me equally off guard

as it will to the other participants.

People often say that Money is the root of all evil. It's not. 

The love of money is the problem. 

When you think about money and potential- I don't think enough is ever enough.

If RIGHT NOW

Bill Gates came up to you and said he would give you whichever amount

 of money you asked of him- how much would you ask for?

Keep in mind that Bill is the wealthiest man in the world...

Would you ask him for just enough to get out of debt?

Enough to start a nice savings account?

Half of his fortune?

All of it?

More than what he currently has???

HOW MUCH is ENOUGH? 

Have you ever wondered why you don't have more than what you have??

I can admit that I'm guilty of this. I want more, not because I truly need more, 

but because I haven't properly handled what I've been given. 

If I can't handle what I have now- who's to say I would be able to handle more?

Therefore it is my hope that through this challenge I can learn to manage my finances in

a God honoring way. I fully trust that when I stop trying to control my spending and just give over Lordship to him in everything especially my finances- He will move drastically.

There a few things you need to know about God & finances. 

My personal take is that It starts with your tithe. 

If you don't believe it applies to you, why don't you go ahead 

and take God's challenge- test him in this.

Where ever you are & whatever you are facing 

reach out to him & let him love you.

Let your finances be a reflection of your God given dreams & destiny.

You were made to conquer & you are destined for greatness!

Don't let your finances, or lack there of, get in the way of achieving.

God bless <3

Daring to Dream

I haven't been keeping up. I've been crazy running around like a lost sheep without a trail. I've been wandering in the dessert & I have been wanting for more.
But why more? More of what? More shoes, more food, more clothes, more money, more friends, more time... No... What I needed more of was Jesus.
I signed up for this and that, I went here & there... searching, wanting & not finding.
What's missing? My husband! My spiritual leader! I miss him!!!
I'm tired, I'm exhausted, It's been one thing after another. I wanted a break, I needed a break, but I wasn't getting one. Why? Was this a test? Did I have to keep going through it because I was failing & I couldn't get on to the next level until I passed?
Then something happened. One of my friends from bible study, who's been itching to start working out but couldn't due to pregnancy had her baby. Her husband is deployed & she has an older child. A mutual friend from bible study,  pretty much took over the parenting  responsibilities.
 This friend's husband was away for a 6wk training & she has a child of her own. While he was gone, she decided to start  her health & fitness challenge. She made a lifestyle change by doing Insanity. I saw the exhaustion in her eyes, but not once did she complain.
I watched said child for a night & it was a very interesting dynamic to have 4 children under 1 roof with no help, but it was refreshing.
 An act of selfless service ~ just a splash of joy to my thirsting soul.

I started to look around, I another friend of mine who has autistic twins is making changes to her lifestyle, she started out with P90X3 & then Les Mills Combat. She has lost 30lbs since the year started- her husband is also deployed. My neighbor has 5kids, the 4th has trisomi 18 & has surgeries coming up, she too is doing her fitness while her husband is deployed. A photography client of mine also has a special needs child with surgeries coming up. Her husband just recently deployed & I had the privilege to shoot some family pictures before his departure & she's been working hard on her fitness. Another client & now friend of mine with a deployed spouse & child, went back home to finish her high school credits to earn her diploma AND started working on her fitness. Where am I getting with this?
While I was feeling sorry for myself & my lack of joy & desire- these strong powerful women started flourishing  like flowers in spring around me. What did they all have in common? Fitness.

SO I looked into my own fitness, I was working out sporadically, enough to maintain but not enough to push forward. I was going through the motions. I'd burn off 300 calories to justify eating an extra serving of food. Not necessarily junk food, but out of my proportions. 
I know my weaknesses. I'm an emotional eater. When I feel bad, I eat, when I eat, I gain weight, when I gain weight, I feel bad & the cycle starts over. Missing my husband was making me sad but do I want my husband to come home to a fat, sad/angry wife? No. Do I want my kids to watch me put myself through that? No. So I said: Enough, something's gotta give. 
Then God winked at me. I had just finished my sewing orders when I got recommended & chosen out of a list of several to shoot a home school graduation. I've always had it in my heart to home school. But how? 

We barely get by on a single government subsidized income & my husband wants out. We've talked about him staying in long enough for all the kids to start school before separating from the military because lets face it, no way, no how a family of 5 can survive in this economy out in the civilian world off a single income. 

"Well why don't YOU work?" I often get asked. "Even if I did get a job, I'd end up paying more than my pay check to cover child care expenses, we'll need a second car, pay insurance on that, gas... it costs money to make money!"
So I met these kids & they were wonderful well rounded individuals. I looked at their parents and they were proud & fulfilled. I asked a set of moms "How do you like homeschooling?" ~ "It's well worth the sacrifice, but it has to be in your heart." 

I came home & I started VISUALIZING what it would be like, except my phone kept beeping with facebook notifications & I kept getting side tracked. 

Then God winked at me again. On a single income, we can't afford fancy phones, so my little android keeps running out of memory space. The biggest chunk of memory space was being occupied by facebook- what a coincidence, so was my day. So with all the pain in my heart, I did the unthinkable, I deleted the app. 
It freed up the memory on my phone & it freed up so much time for me too. 

So what did I do on facebook? I read people's status updates... hmmm reading... wait a minute, I HAVE a list of things I wanted to complete over deployment... where was it? Oh there it wass #1. Read 9 books, 1 per month of deployment. Holly molly we're on month 3, I'm 3 books behind!!!

Did you know that 58% of high school graduates wont read another book after leaving high school? Crazy right? Well if you know me, you know that I don't take kindly to being called a statistic, so I try my hardest to do the opposite.
So I started reading my Bible again, but for real this time, I've been reading for about a week straight & writing about it! Finding the Rhema, Promise, Command, Warning & Application out of my reading. 
Then I looked at my bookshelf & out of the approximately 20 new books that I have yet to read, the one that called out to me was: "The Slight Edge: Secret to a Successful Life" By Jeff Olson

I invested in this book about 4yrs ago when I had joined a business opportunity I quit on... I have signed up for 8 different business opportunities in the past century & the one thing they all shared in common was: SELF DEVELOPMENT.
 
So I started to read. There's 168 pages in this book I'm on page 117- wow, what a game changer.
I was so filled with purpose & desire that I went out & purchased another 8 books! Now I have my 9 titles to read by deployment's end!

Self development is knowledge & knowledge is power. So this entire week I've been pushing myself harder in my work outs, I started walking/jogging, I started waking up earlier, I actually finally started practicing the 3 vital behaviors for success. 

2 nights ago I visited a church with a friend of mine & it was amazing. She too is working on her fitness. Sadly I became privy of a struggle she is going through. This is a very dear friend to me, so her struggle hurt deep in my heart, because I've been there. I immediately took the personal development CD's out of my stereo & handed them over. I hope she listened to them. All the drive home I prayed, when I got home I prayed before bed & yesterday morning when I woke up the burden was so heavy in my heart but I had run out of thoughts & words.

Romans 8:26-28 The Message (MSG)

^26-28 Meanwhile, the moment we get tired in the waiting, God’s Spirit is right alongside helping us along. If we don’t know how or what to pray, it doesn’t matter. He does our praying in and for us, making prayer out of our wordless sighs, our aching groans. He knows us far better than we know ourselves, knows our pregnant condition, and keeps us present before God. That’s why we can be so sure that every detail in our lives of love for God is worked into something good.

During the visit of that church I was reminded of who I serve, the great I AM, the all powerful, all knowing, all wonderful & all mighty God. There was an altar call, we should have gone up but she held back. God nudged me to nudge her, but she declined & I settled. We were in the 3rd row, closed in by 2 other people but the 2 rows in front of us were empty. Had I been bold enough I would have more than happily jumped over the seats to get to the front... but my feet were glued to the ground. In the church where I was saved, during encounter, they told us the holly spirit could not speak through us if we didn't open our mouths. I heard people speaking in tongues & it was frightening. I didn't open my mouth then, I was too afraid. Well not anymore, if not for anything else this week of self development brought me to the conclusion that I am fearfully and wonderfully made, and God has plans to prosper me and not to harm me. What ever I ask for in the name of Jesus will be granted, but I must:

Matthew 7:7-11 The Voice (VOICE)

⁷ Just ask and it will be given to you; seek after it and you will find. Continue to knock and the door will be opened for you. ⁸ All who ask receive. Those who seek, find what they seek. And he who knocks, will have the door opened.

⁹ Think of it this way: if your son asked you for bread, would you give him a stone? Of course not—you would give him a loaf of bread. ¹⁰ If your son asked for a fish, would you give him a snake? No, to be sure, you would give him a fish—the best fish you could find. ¹¹ So if you, who are sinful, know how to give your children good gifts, how much more so does your Father in heaven, who is perfect, know how to give great gifts to His children!

So I opened my mouth, and he spoke, tears flowing down my face, arms lifted high & my face to the heavens. What an amazing feeling of overwhelming peace. Friend,if you're reading this, read Romans 8:28-39. Everything is going to be ok.

Whats the point to my story? Evey thing effects everything. The condition of your personal growth has an effect on your physical & spiritual fitness which affects your physical health, thus affecting your emotional health, your financial health, your relationships, your purpose,& how you spend your time.

I don't have time or the desire to be upset or have negative energy over things I can't control. I've got 3 kids I have to put a happy face on for. Be I; sick, sore, tired, lonely- I do what I have to do. I will struggle, but the thing that I thank God I learned early in life, it's that Life is 10% what happens & 90% how you deal with it. There is a very dark deep painful emotional loneliness & depression that can swallow me whole if I let it. But if I let it, what service am I doing my husband& my kids?

 I Love my husband, and I am proud of what he's doing. Yes, I've got my hands full with my munchkins but he's sacrificing his bed, his cuddle sessions, our quality time & affection- for what? to provide for US.
 The very least I can do for him, is to I get up, get dressed, show up AND get on with the day regardless of how I'm feeling.I have finally found my WHY POWER.

 I don't just think  that it would be nice if my husband came home to a fit wife. I desire with my inner most being to do my very best to make him proud of me. I want him to know that his sacrifices were not in vain. I want to shock & awe him when he gets home with what I've accomplished while he was away. 
I don't want him to come home to the me I was before he left, because although there's nothing wrong with that me, that me can be so much better. I am not yet to where I want to be, but I'm much better that where I used to be & he deserves every single improvement & upgrade. 

The thing about wanting things, is that you can either sit back thinking about what you want wishing that your dreams would come true, if you still allow yourself to dream. Or you can get up and do whatever it takes to go get them.The only way to build your dreams is to build them. Literally. So build your dreams or get hired to build someone elses dream. 

My plate is full, my hands are full, my day is not nearly long enough to accomplish the things I set out to do. But I try my best do them, because I want my husband to know that I love him & I want to honor him &God with everything I do. I choose to do something positive with my current situation, my unfortunate circumstance.

You CAN help others only IF help yourself FIRST, so do yourself a favor & pick up a self development book & read just 10 pages a day. For things to get better,YOU have to get better. Do that which will move you forward & onward. The week has 7 days and "Someday" is not one of them. Ultimately YOU decide what you do. The choice is yours. Ask. Seek. Knock. Dare to dream & dare to be loved.

I'm dreaming & I'm dreaming big. Fitness is definitely the industry to work in. In a world of instant gratification- fast food is on the rise. A new McDonald's just opened outside gate 4! 

I'm believing God for success. A Prophet told my husband he has an evangelical pastoral calling on his life & he has a missionary heart. We're supposed to tithe 10% of our earnings to God, I declare here & now that my goal is to make enough to where I can support our family with 10% of our income so we can give 90% back. Missionary trips, new churches, schools, shelters, wherever God needs us I want to go there. 
We can't go now because we cannot afford it, but if God has put it in my heart I know there is a reason. 
Yes I know, those are big dreams, but guess what? My God is BIGGER! There are no impossibles for him.

Want to start your own fitness journey? Click _--->Here

Family: It takes 2 to tango & 3 to party

In continuation from my last blog- life without God isn't really living. The same way that God is love & if you don't have God in you & you don't know him personally; then you don't have love in you, you don't know love & therefore are unable to trully love another. Anthony & I were a couple of the world & we didn't stand a chance, not without God.
I was 21, Nevaeh was 2 & Anthony had left us to join the Army. He joined the infantry, in a time of war... I didn't know what to expect, or if I'd ever see him again. It was February of 2010.

In one of the services I went to the Pastor's wife came out during worship & started to say:

"God is good, all the time- all the time, God is good- he gives and he takes away, that is just a part of the process but today He wants to give things back to you- whatever it was, your job, your children, your car, your husband, your health- whatever he has taken away, was with a purpose. Perhaps it was getting in the way of your relationship with him. He asks you today to prove your faithfulness today with a faith offering of $XXX to show him that from now on you will put HIM first- then and ONLY then whatever he has taken, whatever he has broken, WILL BE RESTORED for HIS GLORY."
That's the moment it clicked- I've always said my life mantra was "everything happens for a reason" this was the reason & I was ready to comit my life to Christ & make him a part of everything. So I prayed that He would restore my family. The women's encounter was week later & I was ready for a change.
My mother was very upset, that not only had I betrayed "my religion" (Catholicism) but that I was going to be at a 3day encounter from April 16 untill the 18th- which happened to be Nevaeh's 3rd birthday. As I saw it- I was giving her the best gift in the world, a better mom. As my mom saw it, I was wreklessly abandoning my family & my faith.
The 18th, after I got out from encounter, I took my daughter to Chuck E Cheese. I was determined to be a better mom so I took her to the park the next day as well & we had a lot of fun. We had hardly done anything fun since Anthony left but now I had a new found faith, and inner peace that all things would work out fot the better.
The next day, April 20th, my mother comfronted me about my choice to rebel against her & everything she raised me to be. I told her that she should be happy I found God & that I wasn't sorry for the changes & that I would move out if she really didn't want to see the work God was going to do in our lives. She informed me she didn't care if I wanted to "screw up" my life so long as I didn't drag my daughter into it. She said that I was free to leave but my daughter would stay behind. "Never" I yelled as I stormed off to work. 2 hrs later a police officer walked into my place of employment- I was the first cashier by the entrance. He asked me to step outside, puzzled I followed. Once outside he asked me to turn around & told me I was under arrest for child abuse while putting handcuffs on me. Ladies & gentlemen- I was taken to jail.
You see my mother decided to call CPS and say I was an unfit mother. I worked full time & went to school full time so she claimed I had no time to care for my child. The fun we had at chuck e cheese & the park crawling & climbing had manifested little bumps & bruises on my little girls legs, which she claimed I inflicted out of frustration with my situation in life... talk about persecution...
For the next 3 days I prayed, fasted, sang songs of praise & read a bible outloud.
In jail my experrience was unpleasant. The jailers were nasty to me, they grabbed my arms with pressure leaving deep bruising on my skin while pushing me around during transfers. They took my shoes, my jacket, my bra & any extra articles of clothing- leaving me with socks, pants & undershirt during intake. They threw bags with "meals" at the floor during meal times. It was cold in there. I lost my voice. Then on the 3rd day the judge dismissed my case without seeing me & I was released. There was no criminal charges against me but CPS had opened a case & they removed my child from my custody. 
"God won't give you something you can't handle"- they said... God must've thought I was really strong. I was being tested. I was put in the fire. It was the moment of truth. I had the choice to blame God & do something stupid to piss him off & & screw up my chances of getting Nevaeh back OR I could trust that God had a plan... So I continued to pray...
One day in June Anthony called. He had graduated basic & AIT & he was on leave. I told him everything that was happening & like the hero he is, he came to my rescue.
I flew out to Houston that very night & we were reunited. It was a Saturday night /Sunday morning when I got there & I had to be back to appear in children's court on Tuesday Morning.
We called a courthouse first thing Monday & we got married, he returned with me & we showed up to court.
The case was no longer about a single mother with no time for her kid living with mom going nowhere fast, now there were married parents with military benefits, a home & the ability for mom to stay home to devote all her time to the child fighting to get her back TOGETHER.  It was another 2 months before they reversed the custody hold, but we were still unable to leave the state.
To say the begining & first year of my marriage was tough- is an understatement. Many days I was unsure what would become of us. He was inpaintiently waiting for us accross the country, and I couldn't see the end of the state restricition....

During this time, God was working in our lives & If you haven't noticed, God works in mysterious ways. There was a time when I thought we wouldn't make it... but God was greater than any and every of the problems that were thrown our way.
Let me tell you... my husband is amazing. He has the heart of God. He loves me & our family unselfishly, selflessly & unconditionally. As a man, he's got a very tough, hard & serious exterrior, but inside he's mushy, warm & sweet. He wasn't that way when we were dating- but I'm telling you- God works things out for the Good of those who believe in him.

So what's the message?

If today things are falling apart in your world- know that sometimes things have to fall apart in order for them to fall into place. If you have God in your life it's important to remember:

1. There are times of trials & testing: if you've ever read the story of Job, you know what I mean.
Don't lose hope, keep the faith, don't fear & be courageous! It's always darkest before dawn & you can't get a rainbow without the rain. Your faith will be rewarded. The greater your suffering, the greater your reward.

2. Trust in God's plan and his timing: Sometimes we pray & expect an answer inmediately- but there is a time & a place. In many places in the bible you will see that the men & women of God waited & waited YEARS- for their promises. So don't be discouraged if you're still waiting...

If you don't have God in your life- consider the fact that perhaps it takes hitting rock bottom for you to have no other choice than to look up.
If you're there, if the stress & worry are making it hard for you to stand, perhaps it's the perfect time for you to get on your knees and pray. I pray that God draws you near, that your heart will be softened & that you will open yourself up to him. Don't be afraid- God is a Just and loving God- Dare to be loved today.

Faith- How I Found it

So let me tell you about Saira.
 I had seen her before we met at work. I remember she was a trouble making basketball player in our high school team. I might have had an altercation with her once, and as I remembered her, she kinda intimidated me...
So when she approached me and a coworker it was almost frightening.
Let me backtrack- It was my first week working as a Cashier (at my local CVS Pharmacy). It was 2 months before my 21st birthday, and most of the people working there were "fun".
Now as I mentioned in my intro, my mom was a very Catholic strict parent ("Spare the rod, spoil the child") So I lived most of my life in fear of her and never really did much to upset her in my younger days.
 I had never been to a club, gotten drunk or stayed out all night to have "fun"-
BUT somehow I did manage to have a baby at the young age of 18 and had my then, boyfriend-now husband, move in.
Needless to say life at home was a bit hectic: I was working 40+hrs, going to school full time (12-18units per semester), had a disapproving mother, a baby & a live in boyfriend...There were good days, and there were days when all I did was cry.
Back to Saira... she was different now. She was no longer that raging troubled teenager I once knew, Now she was... peaceful... quiet... meek... it boggled me. She came in to work everyday with a smile and a electric fire I couldn't understand. No one could seriously be THAT happy.
It was a Saturday night, she came up to me & another coworker & asked "What are you guys doing tomorrow morning?" My co-worker said "I have plans!" and gave me a strange look.  I replied "I'm not sure, sleep in maybe" and then she proceeded to say "Here's my number! I'd like to invite you to my church, text me and I will send you the address. You can call me if you need a ride. It starts at 11, Hope to see you there!!!" And she walked away with a smile.
"She's a weirdo, don't listen to her, I think she had too many drugs"- said my co-worker.
I scoffed and paid no mind. I had finally broken away from church- why would I want to go to another church- and with a weirdo!?
On Monday morning, "Hey! I was hoping to see you at church, what happened?"- Saira asked. I turned around & speedily walked away pretending I didn't hear her. This was in August of 2009.For the next few months-  every Saturday, she invited me to church. Sometimes I made excuses as to why I couldn't go. Sometimes I'd say I'd go then cancel last minute, and sometimes I'd even volunteer for overtime or swap schedules JUST to avoid her. During those months life sucked. My boyfriend dumped me & joined the Army, I was a single mom, my mom gloated about me reaping what I sowed. My life pretty much crumbled and I turned to alcohol, even became a little suicidal.

Now I was the raging & crazed person I once knew Saira to be- all while she seemed to have such boring yet perfect life. She WAS weird though, kinda stalker-ish, She'd try to take her breaks at the same time I did, and she would ask "Do you mind if I read my bible out loud?" I was usually in a bad or depressed mood, at first her reading irritated me, then it started to make me wonder... So finally one Saturday in March of  2010 I asked "Why are you so happy?" "Because I have Jesus!" she said. "Jesus makes you happy?" I asked mockingly. "You would know if you came to church with me" she replied. "Here's my address, pick me up" I said defiantly- curious to see what this Jesus thing was all about. Her eyes widened with shock & relief "Seriously?!?!? I'll be there!" She said.
So I went & it was NOTHING like I expected. I twas  a Christian church... and if you've ever been to a Catholic AND a Christian service you'd know there are MANY differences. For starters there wasn't a little worship chorus, it was what felt & sounded like a rock concert.
This was a church? People were dancing and singing, smiling & crying in front of the stage. They had projectors with the lyrics on the screen- and if you read my intro you'd know- I'm musically inclined- so I started to sing along.

"Great is Your faithfulness oh God
You wrestle with the sinner's heart
You lead us by still waters into mercy
And nothing can keep us apart So remember Your people
Remember Your children
Remember Your promise
Oh God

Your grace is enough
Your grace is enough
Your grace is enough for me
Great is Your love and justice God
You use the weak to lead the strong
You lead us in the song of Your salvation
And all Your people sing along"

-Chris Tomlin, Your Grace Is Enough

I felt it deep in my soul, it moved me, and before I could stop myself from looking a fool, (with extensions, heels, fake lashes & a mask of make up, hair products & perfumes) I was fell to my knees in uncontrollable tears... HE was there in THAT precise moment wrestling with MY HEART. I became overwhelmed by love & such a deep sense of security & serenity. "Here I am God, I'm a wreck, I'm unworthy, but if you want me- I'm yours" The pastor made an altar call "I know there's anyone here today, who feels an emptiness they have tried to fill over & over again yet still came up empty. If you feel lonely, like you don't know where you're going or you are simply  tired of running and you'd like to invite Jesus into your heart today to make him your Lord & Savior- come to the front"... without thinking twice, without caring that I mad mascara running down my face I raced to the front. We said the sinners prayer & were sent back to our seats. I remember Catholic services being an hour long and it feeling like foooorrreeeevvvveeerrrr... but before I knew it this service was over.
Over?! It can't be over, we've only been here for... *I look at my watch-12:45* almost 2hrs? I didn't want to go home. I've never felt such peace in my soul and joy in my heart before. Now I knew what Saira was talking about- I had been missing out!!!! There was a 3day women's encounter in April from the 16th to the 18th(Nevaeh's 3rd birthday) I got my ticket that very day. I gave my first tithe that day, used to the $1 donation in catholic church I was shocked when I saw her putting a whole $20 in an envelope during tithing. And that's when she explained to me what it was- 10 percent of the money we have earned or are given.
Saira gave me my first bible, I still have it today. That church set my soul on fire, and God moved in my life. I prayed for my boyfriend, I prayed for restoration of our family. I invited family & friends. My coworkers were now mocking me too. "You've turned into a weirdo like Saira!" "You've been brainwashed!!!"
I got encountered & my life changed forever- God answered my payers & my family was restored (not without troubles- read all about it in my next blog). I'm not perfect, there was a time when I backslid and paid for it. Living outside a relationship with Christ isn't living at all.

If you're still reading you may be wondering : "whats the moral of the story?"
Let me tell you- It's DON'T GIVE UP. If there's someone whom you've invited to church but hasn't got there- don't stop asking! Don't stop praying for them! Even if they start avoiding you- continue to live your life in a way that they see the light of Christ. I sometimes wonder- what would be of my life right now if there hadn't been a Saira in my life? Don't be afraid to be "the weirdo" and share your faith.

And if you are reading this and you are where I've been and you're sick of being empty, lonely and burdened- wont you take a chance and open your heart to Christ today and dare to beloved?
If you'd like more information on finding Jesus, or if you'd just like to talk to someone- feel free to reach out to me :)
 That's all for tonight peeps- God Bless you & yours

Matthew 5:3-16

New Living Translation (NLT)

The Beatitudes

³ “God blesses those who are poor and realize their need for him,^[a]
    for the Kingdom of Heaven is theirs.
⁴ God blesses those who mourn,
    for they will be comforted.
⁵ God blesses those who are humble,
    for they will inherit the whole earth.
⁶ God blesses those who hunger and thirst for justice,^[b]
    for they will be satisfied.
⁷ God blesses those who are merciful,
    for they will be shown mercy.
⁸ God blesses those whose hearts are pure,
    for they will see God.
⁹ God blesses those who work for peace,
    for they will be called the children of God.
¹⁰ God blesses those who are persecuted for doing right,
    for the Kingdom of Heaven is theirs.

¹¹ “God blesses you when people mock you and persecute you and lie about you^[c] and say all sorts of evil things against you because you are my followers. ¹² Be happy about it! Be very glad! For a great reward awaits you in heaven. And remember, the ancient prophets were persecuted in the same way.

Teaching about Salt and Light

¹³ “You are the salt of the earth. But what good is salt if it has lost its flavor? Can you make it salty again? It will be thrown out and trampled underfoot as worthless.

¹⁴ “You are the light of the world—like a city on a hilltop that cannot be hidden. ¹⁵ No one lights a lamp and then puts it under a basket. Instead, a lamp is placed on a stand, where it gives light to everyone in the house. ¹⁶ In the same way, let your good deeds shine out for all to see, so that everyone will praise your heavenly Father.